Oh what you all must think of me now
When my heart sinks and my lips part to form a scream Though I know
No noise comes out

With all my mistakes
I often lust for leaving
Long for drowning
To wash away the permanent headache
Sending waves of humiliation
Through my entire frame

I often replay every wrong word I said
Second guess my second guesses

Try to retract my misplaced reactions
Settle scores I've carved against my own skin
Determined to paint over this portrait
This ugly depiction

I feel so low that I dream of dying
Just to erase the slate that haunts me
I hate this familiar basement of friendship, where your words are twisted and your intentions misrepresented. Everyone leaves me -again, saying I am poisonous. And a very deep part of me believes that
Maybe I am.
Poisonous.

And after so many times,
How can I not begin to question,
Is it's truly me or
Or is it them?