Am I crazy to still have feelings and thoughts of a lost love that I know will never return to me in this life time. Just only in my dreams or when I sit and imagine that you're here with me.. My heart feels as tho its been snatched out my chest and stabbed numerous of times to only bleed the tears that my eyes can no longer share... My belly has a surprise that neither one of us expected.. but now that this miracle has approached I don't know rather to accept it or deny it's request.. my mind is all over the place with emotions of such hate for you but yet my mind wants me to continue to love you.. I'm in this mental battle with myself so how the hell could I lose.. Reality kicked in.. (I already Have).. Nights of loneliness.. Days of Desperation. . Weekends with a bottle or two just to drink all my sorrows away.. Back to day one when the ******* weekday comes.. This is an ongoing cycle that I truly want to overcome... But how.. when I'm always seeming to be missing you.. listening to music we use to make love to.. watching videos we made and listen to how you brought laughter to me.. Tears want to fall but I'm too angry for that... I give up.. drip drip is the noise I begin to hear.. I'm leaking all my worries away but yet I know they'll all come back again.. So until tomorrow I'll just lay and pretend that you're next to me, to only fall asleep and keep my mind from wondering. Cause right now my mind and heart has no beginning nor end.