I wake up thinking of ways to entertain her and please her within the spectrum our existence. even through all the flaws and setbacks I have yet to accomplish or obtain any mastery of loving or living her what's so to speaking of her. I want to be her morning breath. I want to be that first cigarette a smoker who has smoke for 10 years has in the morning. That first pull. That first inhale that first exhale. I want to be that sudden change that urge to quit. Yet the same reason she can't turn away. somehow I still struggle with the mastery and the ability to obtain the way of loving her entire being renee.