As I sit here quietly
Thinking about how great my life has become the past few weeks
days
hours
minutes
seconds
I realize that it wasn't always like that
I look down at my thigh and see the little, thin, white scars I put onto myself and realize
I did that
I was so frail that I let every word hurt me and add to the pain within me I let those people get to me and honestly
Never in my whole life would I have been able to see myself sitting here in my room
Wishing I never put that blade to my skin

I wish I never took it upon myself to push the razor deeper into my thigh
Causing an outburst stream of blood
Half the time I didn't even know what was going on
Tears were steaming down my face
As I came to and stopped crying
I looked and saw the destruction I had done

It started out as five or six scratches which lead to ten
Then all of a sudden I was slicing thirty times, allowing four to break the skin
I cleaned myself up every time it happened
Not letting anyone know how horrible I felt

As I sit here quietly, thinking about how horrible my life had been two months ago
every week
day
hour
minut
second
I realize I am greatful for the scars on my thigh
I now have a reminder of how horrible I felt
but also how much I was able to overcome
I fought the demons within me, alone on most days
I was able to defeat the burning hatred I had for myself and my bullies
I was able to stop the depression
anorexia
anxiety
And suicidal thoughts I had

I thank God everyday for chance of life
Because there were times I didn't know if I was going to make it
But look at me now
I'm alive