Mar 2015
Non-poetic Prosy Informational?Post Nimber....uh I LostTrack About 10,000 Posts Ago:
Sweetheart... My love for you first came at a time when I had absolutely no idea about...anything. Thank you for your unbelievable patience. The love, it has not left me, once. My wish is that we can learn to reciprocate and communicate with laughter and the best of what we had, offline.
Sometimes it's sheer torture so I know that's it's love, for me at least. Don't know why it happened but it's true. You are in my heart and soul and it's the strangest thing ever but I'm still hooked. This is finish catching ,or release time now. I think we know that.
Folks, this love and admiration is for the man who somehow captured my heart while deliberately trying to not capture my heart.
I'm sorry about that. You refused over and over again and I didn't mean to push, just explain but you would not listen. Let's just say that I'm much more self-aware now.
Wait I'm not going to apologize for any of that.
Anyway
We are very different in some ways but
I feel that it's a soul connection. He has been my rock. It's phenomenal how kind he can be. He has his own stuff going on too and I respect it. Life is complicated I guess. We all have choices we have to make for out own lives and I'm a cerebral kind of person and I did not know he was there for me or why or when or where or how sometimes but I felt it, like an invisible connection through the ether. And I'm deeply grateful for it always.
Anyway this all started at the beginning of what I could only call a period of wallowing, searching, growth, expansion and contraction and let's face it, I couldn't get my head straight for more than oh say,
Like an hour or two at a time, tops. It was a difficult transition for me and I made some decisions that didn't make sense except to me, but I certainly leaned the ropes along with some painful life lessons. Trial by fire and all. Yikes!
I ******* it all up
He ******* up too some
I think we both learned a lot.
All I know is that I am not that simpering clueless girl anymore. I feel that I'm really ready now to debut the best version of myself yet. I can feel the forward motion finally!! It's exciting. . I've been doing massive inner work so it seems like I stalled but I was just idling. Now ready to roll. But I don't speed anymore. I enjoy the ride, and I will enjoy the rise and fall of the events around me, or at least sponge up all the knowledge that I can.
FYI I am all that I write and it's not window dressing. Every single thing I ever wrote is true right down to the odd stories of my childhood mishaps. I have had an apparently entertaining life and there's much more to come. Like, what happened to my sister's chickens?! (Who cares?)
Anyway I admit that I was a mess and far from perfect. it took time for me to realize that I was just preparing myself for my life's work...and that is to love the people in my real world for the rest of my life even if it's only to say hello. And some virtual love if I happen to be online which is simply not the same but a great distraction when it's cold out or boring, you know?
I hope beyond hope that my future includes this amazing man because he is the only man I want to be with iRL and I've tried in so many ways to let him know and ******* that up too, utterly. Repeatedly. I don't even know if he will ever actually talk to me in person again, and I can't ask.
I'm not even sure how to let him know about tomorrow or was that another gotcha?
That is the state of things. I have faith in myself and I know that I am a one-man woman so if it's not him, I'll heal up in a decade or two and write a bunch more stuff and eventually be set to try again! Whooooo!
There's sooooo much more I'd like to share about him but it's private. I won't post online about..really private stuff.
So this is a message to all of you:
What happens online is anybody's guess. Same as life I suppose.
Let's see
Sweetheart... My love for you first came at a time when I had absolutely no idea about...anything. Thank you for your unbelievable patience. The love, it has not left me, once. My wish is that we can learn to reciprocate and communicate with laughter and the best of what we had, offline.
Sometimes it's sheer torture so I know that's it's love, for me at least. Don't know why it happened but it's true. You are in my heart and soul and it's the strangest thing ever but I'm still hooked. This is finish catching ,or release time now. I think we know that.
Folks, this love and admiration is for the man who somehow captured my heart while deliberately trying to not capture my heart.
I'm sorry about that. You refused over and over again and I didn't mean to push, just explain but you would not listen. Let's just say that I'm much more self-aware now.
Wait I'm not going to apologize for any of that.
Anyway
We are very different in some ways but
I feel that it's a soul connection. He has been my rock. It's phenomenal how kind he can be. He has his own stuff going on too and I respect it. Life is complicated I guess. We all have choices we have to make for out own lives and I'm a cerebral kind of person and I did not know he was there for me or why or when or where or how sometimes but I felt it, like an invisible connection through the ether. And I'm deeply grateful for it always.
Anyway this all started at the beginning of what I could only call a period of wallowing, searching, growth, expansion and contraction and let's face it, I couldn't get my head straight for more than oh say,
Like an hour or two at a time, tops. It was a difficult transition for me and I made some decisions that didn't make sense except to me, but I certainly leaned the ropes along with some painful life lessons. Trial by fire and all. Yikes!
I ******* it all up
He ******* up too some
I think we both learned a lot.
All I know is that I am not that simpering clueless girl anymore. I feel that I'm really ready now to debut the best version of myself yet. I can feel the forward motion finally!! It's exciting. . I've been doing massive inner work so it seems like I stalled but I was just idling. Now ready to roll. But I don't speed anymore. I enjoy the ride, and I will enjoy the rise and fall of the events around me, or at least sponge up all the knowledge that I can.
FYI I am all that I write and it's not window dressing. Every single thing I ever wrote is true right down to the odd stories of my childhood mishaps. I have had an apparently entertaining life and there's much more to come. Like, what happened to my sister's chickens?! (Who cares?)
Anyway I admit that I was a mess and far from perfect. it took time for me to realize that I was just preparing myself for my life's work...and that is to love the people in my real world for the rest of my life even if it's only to say hello. And some virtual love if I happen to be online which is simply not the same but a great distraction when it's cold out or boring, you know?
I hope beyond hope that my future includes this amazing man because he is the only man I want to be with iRL and I've tried in so many ways to let him know and ******* that up too, utterly. Repeatedly. I don't even know if he will ever actually talk to me in person again, and I can't ask.
I'm not even sure how to let him know about tomorrow or was that another gotcha?
That is the state of things. I have faith in myself and I know that I am a one-man woman so if it's not him, I'll heal up in a decade or two and write a bunch more stuff and eventually be set to try again! Whooooo!
There's sooooo much more I'd like to share about him but it's private. I won't post online about..really private stuff.
So this is a message to all of you:
What happens online is anybody's guess. Same as life I suppose.
Let's see
