There are some times when I want to give up,
To spiral out of lucidity and sanity.
I wish to lose myself to the very darkness
That threatens to consume me.

I wonder what it would feel like,
To allow myself to feast on the flesh of redemption,
To gorge myself in its blood,
And drunkenly howl at the moon.

I want to surrender to every petty desire,
To drown myself in self-loathing.
I want to create the unbearable monster
Reflected in the eyes of those around me.

I want to deserve the disgust I hear
When they speak my name,
I want to be broken beyond repair,
I want to be lost without hope.

I want to prove to myself,
That I am not worthy of her love.