A cold siren's song,
The lullaby I listen to every night,
Whispered softly through the mire.
From the bog of shattered dreams and broken promises,
Across the endless fog that clouds the mind.
I have come to love the cold chill,
Passing amidst the rift of the emerald mountains.
The ardent heat grazing my face,
That peculiar shade of fire preceding the dawn.
A glorious miracle that can only rise to greet her with a new day,
Allowing her another chance to show her smile.
For my Danaë has the power to control the tides,
And the authority to command the above skies.
The moon shines bright for her convenience,
As well as hide her face at her displeasure.
For she holds the remnants of paradise,
She bathes in the holy blood of Eden.
She is the siren of myth,
The muse behind man's talent.
The promise of redemption hides within her affection,
And the antidote to the world rests upon her lips.
My salvation and my sweetest condemnation,
She is the color that paints the roses vivid.
She is a simple woman,
She is the greatest gift bestowed on undeserving man.
There are some times when I want to give up,
To spiral out of lucidity and sanity.
I wish to lose myself to the very darkness
That threatens to consume me.
I wonder what it would feel like,
To allow myself to feast on the flesh of redemption,
To gorge myself in its blood,
And drunkenly howl at the moon.
I want to surrender to every petty desire,
To drown myself in self-loathing.
I want to create the unbearable monster
Reflected in the eyes of those around me.
I want to deserve the disgust I hear
When they speak my name,
I want to be broken beyond repair,
I want to be lost without hope.
I want to prove to myself,
That I am not worthy of her love.
Basking in the pale glory of night,
Beckoning a chance meeting where we would cross eyes once more.
Within the howling of the wind I hear your name,
Whispered from golden memories drifting afar.
The smell of tobacco is poison bereft your scent,
And the taste of vice I sought to replace you with,
turns to smoldering ash in my mouth.
Adrift in a shallow pond I navigate alone,
Lingering in darkness and doubt,
As a nightmare that comes without a dawn.
On my arms I bear the chains of past sins,
The blood of my wrongs staining the water beneath.
Forced to endure the shimmering memory of your touch,
Fade with each passing hour.
I only ask for shimmer of hope,
An undeserved gift that would raise spirits,
And give purpose to the pyre that burns within me.
I request one last dance under the stars,
A fleeting moment served to recall paradise lost.
Yet if the song ends and the shimmer of hope is put out,
I would see this crusade come to an end.
If our stars fade and the love we share is dead,
I will abandon ship and cast myself away.
I will cry tears of loss and pain so that when we meet again,
I look at you with empty eyes.
No matter what direction I walk,
The road I'm on never ends.
The sky is always cloudy,
And the sun is never present.
My nights are restless and elongated,
Each smile becomes harder to fake.
The vigor I possessed has abandoned me,
Replaced with an ever-growing atrophy.
I yearn for the touch of a woman,
That no longer exists.
I dream during the day,
Just to find myself in her arms again.
The demons within have bested me,
The strength of my will has failed.
People and places flash around me,
Leaving me behind in their wake.
Alcohol and other poisons have no effect on me,
They no longer pry me away from this.
I love my life locked in a haze,
Trying to forget myself.
I need your help to get out,
I need your aid to survive.
I need a meaningful smile,
A genuine expression of love,
To save me from myself.
Oh, the toxic substance that now flows through my veins,
Incessantly and constantly,
Composing more of myself than the very air I breathe.
Love and lust drive my compulsion,
Trying to hold back the whirlwind of anxiety and depression lurking within.
It is the antidote to the pain I feel,
While also being the very cause of the fever that now courses through my body.
Like modernity it seeks to heal something,
While also destroying something else.
I drown the impulsion to see you,
While also stoking the fire that craves your touch.
I am lost in this sea of chaos,
Marauded in such strange lands full of hope and betrayal.
The memory of you sleeping soundly in my arms soothes my soul,
While the thought of you moaning a strange name seeks to tear it apart.
How I wish to be the man you need me to be,
The man I promised you I would become.
Truth is I am merely a clown trapped in a boy’s body,
Bound to my grief like scars on my arms
Originating from a pit of sorry and anger.
*** helps me rationalize my pain,
Whiskey helps me forget how much I miss you.
Beer allows me to bury my demons deep within,
While wine’s only job is to set them free on me;
Free to haunt my every sober and drunken thought.
Crave your touch
But our fingers always seem to miss.
I want to taste your lips
But I always find them closed.
I smell your perfume everywhere
But it’s only when it lingers
On the wind.
In the right place
But never the right time.
I hear the echo of your voice
But always from far away.
I dream about your smile
But never see it grace your face.
Only see your face
Through the reflection of mirrors
When it’s late at night and
the shadows play tricks
You are a ghost to me
A faint glimmer of hope
Lost in the bright starkness
Can only whisper
For it is so fragile
That anything stronger and
It will vanish.
I am always close enough
To know you were there
But too far away to believe it is true.
The sun was warmer
and the skies were clearer,
When you smiled at me genuinely
and kissed me sincerely.
The past seemed like a distant dream
when I got lost in your eyes,
You made my demons disappear when I slept
while you held me tightly in your arms.
Now the dream is over
ripped apart by the cold claws of reality,
leaving me trying to piece together the vision
reduced to nothing more than a distant memory.
You act like nothing has changed
you are as distant as the memory of your touch,
as cold as the day you left me to drown in my sorrow.
Now we play a game of chess
you try to check my king,
and I pretend like I don’t care
that each day that rolls by
you take more and more of my pieces off the board,
until there is nothing but your army
and my king.
What will happen when you finally get your checkmate?