that he was a black collared catholic

that he knew he was a sinner, and he would be washed away, and go back to sinning again

it made me think about his life

the way he said it, then talked about *******

the way he talked about ******* with love and his wife with love, and his scotch with love

and his faith with love

all perplexing me, going in too many directions, wishing that the anchor would fall somewhere, of sin

many who are good know that they sin
and my grandfather is a good man


but then he also said to me
with so much intensity
that I am a piece of cheese
for the audience
this is the diplomat, who called me the muskrat

and I said,

yes sir, yes sir

and I am so conflicted about that,

because he also said that his greatest regret is that he never tried to become admiral,

and in order to be admiral, one must have courage to stand up to authority, to be of authority, not of soldier, but of master

who is weak?  and who is right?

My Grandfather Said something today

and I'm thinking about it tonight