I know exactly what's going to happen next, but I'm powerless to stop it.
The "no!" in my throat is caught by the smug voice in my head that says "Look. I was right all along.”

Beginning of the end.

If you wish for things enough they’ll come true
which is great fantasy for things like love and second chances and “unity”
but I’ve always been more concerned with the darkness
demons of everything that could go wrong
stagnating my desire, paralyzing me on the brink
incapable of jumping, or retreating

was I actually wishing
for things to go badly to satisfy the part inside of me
the part like the something that’s sour in the raspberry bursting
menacing in the smile
the tiniest hole in the bottom of a ship
which lets in the water of uncertainty and fear until it overcomes the spirit of the sailor

drowning in doubt.

was I actually wishing for this to happen
so that the part of me that is freezing rain in Spring
can be proved right, and my fear of trying will be justified
so the voice can say “I was right all along. Should never have tried.”