i wish you didn't
exist
i wish someone with such a unique personality
was merely fiction
i wish that prepossessing face of yours
wasn't real

i wish i could
turn the handles of the clock
in reverse
so that i would've
never met you

why did you have to casually
saunter into my life
and fill me with felicity?
like it was nothing
like i was just another experience

and completely ignore me
and shut the door, our door
as if you were content with that
as if we were strangers again

i hate you
for making me
fall in love with you
sheerly, by being yourself
why couldn't you be
chicanery and lies

writing this makes me
want to talk to you
but at the same time
i want to ignore you
like you did to me
until the point
that i almost doubted
my very own existence

and i never thought that
i'd be doing this
because
i tried it once and failed
miserably
but this time
i'm determined
i will maim and forget
everything that you were once
worth to me

and the sad thing is
you probably won't even care
because there are so many
other people that adulate you
just like i do
you're probably used to
all of this doting

i should've known
before falling in
much too deep
into this dystopian nightmare

being in love
with someone that couldn't care
any less about you
makes you feel inexorably forlorn
and dense
and just worthless
so now i know what to do

i'll look back to this
every time you visit my reveries
i'm closing the doors
and they're going to stay shut
forever