I don't know where you are right now.
It scares me a lot.
Worst case scenarios scream into my head, logical ones being shoved away in a last ditch attempt at cynicism.
The fact that I'm crying and falling apart so solidifies your existence in my life.
You mean more to me than I ever meant to let a friend mean to me again.
Not after him.
Not after he made a mockery of our friendship.
Not after everything that changed because of that, because of him.
The fact that I don't know what I'd do without you now, only proves your worth.
I want you to stay.
I don't want you to be like the others.
We've spoken of broken promises and how actions scream while words make no sound at all.
I've found explanation and cures for unknown, fatal viruses.
And this clock that keeps ticking, is mocking my anxiety and fear of your safety.


I know where you are now.
I know you're safe, at least safer than I thought you were.
You'd be safer if you were here, but then again so would I.
Without your contact, I've let the others step in easily and consume me.
Without your consent, I let myself slip back into times when I was vulnerable and weak.
Without you, my memories are cutting deep and I'm unable to sew myself up quick enough.