i'm guilty.
i have the world expecting so much of me
but all i want to do is run.
i'd never claim status as a full blown addict,
but i have an overwhelming urge to go numb.

i know, it's dumb.
silly me, i lost a brother not a son
so it shouldn't be as hard for me.
at least that's what is implied,
what the world makes it seem.
I am supposed to endure my pain
while being strong for dad and mommy.

**** it, fine. I'll be strong this time.
So when you're all feeling fantastic
I'll just destress alone in the backseat
of a car filling discreetly
with carbon monoxide, i'll goto sleep
as it creeps into my lungs slowly.

maybe I'll run off to the carolina's,
with a recently seperated married man.
commit myself to a tragic relationship.
See what ******* drama comes out of it.

Or I could participate in the norm and
go use my insurence cards.
meet a good doctor to
Explain my anxiety's and get a script written up,
.50 Xanex and self adjust my dosages.
float myself into bliss.
It'd be just like old times...
Slow me down enough to see the beauty in it all,
until i run out and have to come back up.