i woke up to nothing but
your dog displayed beside the
length of my own body.
i still felt cold even though
her body temperature was above
average and it was like she
had a prophecy to share.
you were two hours late,
and your father had worry lines
mapping out his features,
i knew it when i tasted the heavy air
and the sky was the color of
shady shelves with the books
cemented to the wood.
my hands were in knots when
the phone slipped back into
the pocket and i realized why
you didn't soothe my curling
thoughts that were on catastrophes
and so i focused on my heart beating
through my stomach.

i stood by in shock,
paramedics and state police
lit words under tires and
metal casings down the ravine,
i wondered how you got out of
the twisted seat belts and air-
tight windows.

the blue man said you were
as high as a kite,
and your father's lungs couldn't
calculate and then formulate
the few words to tell them
of your heavy lifting and
bleeding tongued sorrows.
i wanted to *****.

in the hospital beds,
rows and rows of numbers
that held contorted body parts
and tears of anger and fear,
i found you,
ready to transfer for more
opinions and observations
that wouldn't tell anything
about how your mind
actually worked.
just the basics, the nuts
and bolts;
doctors couldn't tell us
why you were so
upset when visiting hours
were through,
yet i could.
you said you thought you
loved me.
and i believe it.
but things are now tangled
like a gold chain necklace,
and now we have
to ease it out to get
back to straight lines.

we have to let things heal,
like the stitching on your
face and the trauma
gathered in your
backbone.

let it be,
you'll stand up straight again.