My palms become greased with worry and fatigue
that maybe this time you won't ever leave
but you eventually do-
and I'm sitting here wondering how the **** I got so exhausted?
How these hands have been gripping so tightly
to the bottom of my sweater
that they don't even feel like hands anymore.
I just wish you would ******* disappear
that this world could just exist without you
and these stages I have build out of my fears
did not become mountains for you to climb upon at will.
I'm tired of always looking over my shoulder-
worried that maybe you'll be there
and it's ****** up that I worry about that
because worrying is all you ever ******* did-
I just want to feel normal again.
I want to feel like this body isn't
the wreckage in Miley Cyrus' wrecking ball video
I want to be Miley ******* Cyrus
not the broken walls and concrete at her feet-
but you make me feel this way.
Make me feel like everything I will accomplish
everything I could potentially accomplish
isn't even worth it or even within my reach for that matter.
I got a 68 on my first test of this semester-
you took that score and ran it through my head
until my insecurities triumphed over
everything you caused me to say to myself.
I am done being a misplaced embodiment of past experiences-
I will not invite you out with me anymore
and when you beg and plead
and cause me to regurgitate my fears for you
I will push you to the side-
make a shrine out of who I have become
because it's not you anymore.


Dear Anxiety-
I'm done apologizing for who you turned me into.

Sincerely, You don't control me anymore.