In October we picked apples that tasted like the tops of teenaged mountains, apples that were colored red like teenaged brides.
In October, a reminder to self: Don’t ever forget the teenaged years. Don’t forget the boy with the tongue like slick arrow.
The school was painted white with green trim, and the two of us stood behind it like a pair of stag deer. Remember: there is a difference between grey and white, and I am not colorblind. Remember: this boy’s face was grey as the robe of a young monk, and I am not colorblind. (Remember: This boy is not a monk.)
Don’t forget being thirteen with hair licked short like a small body. I stood with five other girls, I was flat chested, I was lying about a trembling kiss. When one girl cried I should have remembered to mean well, when mother called I should have answered, even after she died, even if sometimes
mothers **** children. It’s just that they do so without realizing it (usually).
(Remember that mothers often lack bodies).
Reminder to self: bathe, wash behind the ears: the chalk that still rests there from grade school. The teacher made me write I WILL NOT ****** BODIES, then, I WILL NOT ****** MY BODY, then, I WILL NOT ****** THE BODIES OF BOYS OR MOTHERS, each statement ten times over on the green chalkboard.
There was a hunger in my stomach back then, rooted down like a pit of shaking guilt. We ate apples covered in teenaged blood. I could not shake it, the hunger. I still cannot shake it, the hunger. We continue to pick apples with bodies that are meant to be sorrowful.