sometimes,
when music isn't blasting in my head
and the ground is covered with snow,
i allow myself to think about you
and those days;
when nothing is particularly annoying and
when i feel honest-to-god happy
are the absolute best days
because on those days i eat vanilla ice cream
and it's tasteless to me now because
all it does is remind me of the snowballs you would throw at
me and it's the kind of bittersweet memory that
you laugh at to keep from crying
and sitting there--
wrapped up in my white blanket, mindlessly
watching something on my laptop whilst eating tasteless ice
cream, is the happiest i will ever be
because that's when i allow myself to think of you-
of how rosy your cheeks get in the winter, and
how much you enjoy hot chocolate from starbucks
somewhere along the lines, of course, i will get caught
in a whirling spiral of nostalgia that will make me hate myself
for the next couple of weeks
but in the end-
it is all worth it
because thinking of you, is the happiest i will ever be,
and the saddest

it's the type of terrible, bittersweet skinny love
that makes even vanilla ice cream taste like nothing
because it reminds you of funny snowball fights
and rosy red cheeks

(h.l.)