is the toughest thing that i have ever done.
it completely changes you, and the way that you view yourself,
the world, and the people around you.
it makes you reexamine yourself, and makes you explore the
parts of yourself that you don't want to explore.

love is the hardest thing that i have ever done.
it's because i'm beginning to realize that maybe,
since i never chose to love myself first,
i am absolutely sabotaging a boy who loves me so much.
in my heart, he means the world to me. and he chases me,
and loves me, loves my scars, and fights so hard for me.
and here i sit, denying the idea that someone could love
someone like me. but he is always there beside me,
begging with me, crying with me, that his heart is honest.
that it is completely with me.

and i keep wondering if i am okay for him. if it is okay
for us to keep fighting for each other this way. i mean, it's when
there's no more fight when there's a problem.

i don't know who i ever was without love.
i don't know who i ever was without him.

there have been multiple times where i've wanted to throw
my hands up and give up. but he has never given up on me.
he has never even considered giving up on me, even though
i had collapsed and cried and blamed him for such a silly, silly
little mistake that was so easily forgivable.

i am no longer afraid to be completely
immersed in his love, because every single doubt
i have ever had has dissipated. i have never felt
so loved
and accepted
and cherished
and wanted
before. and it is a truly, truly, truly amazing
feeling, to feel absolutely loved.