Have you ever had one of those days,
When nothing goes your way?
And the night is long with noises
Please don't tell my wife what I'm about to say

You see my wife snores
More than anyone I know
She even shakes the bed at night
Like a herd of buffalo

Sometimes the people next door
Will even call and complain
They say they just can't stand it anymore
And it's driving them insane

I've tried everything I know
But all I do is fail
She even registers a 4.0
On the earthquake richter scale

One night I even tried duct tape
And wondered what would happen
She just laid there and kept on snoring
'Til the duct tape started flappin'

I even tried some super glue
On her lips to make them close
Until I heard that horrible noise
Like a trumpet got stuck in her nose

Well, I guess I'll always love her
And learn to live with this curse
I'm just glad it's not the other end
'Cause the smell would make it even worse