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The Complete Nonsense of Edward Lear by Edward Lear

The Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and the Tongs,
  They all took a drive in the Park,
And they each sang a song, Ding-a-****, Ding-a-****,
  Before they went back in the dark.
Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach,
  Mr. Tongs made a clatter and clash,
Miss Shovel was all dressed in black (with a brooch),
  Mrs. Broom was in blue (with a sash).
    Ding-a-****! Ding-a-****!
    And they all sang a song!


'O Shovel so lovely!' the Poker he sang,
  'You have perfectly conquered my heart!
'Ding-a-****! Ding-a-****! If you're pleased with my song,
  'I will feed you with cold apple ****!
'When you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound,
  'You encapture my life with delight!
'Your nose is so shiny! your head is so round!
  'And your shape is so slender and bright!
    'Ding-a-****! Ding-a-****!
    'Ain't you pleased with my song?'


'Alas! Mrs. Broom!' sighed the Tongs in his song,
  'O is it because I'm so thin,
'And my legs are so long--Ding-a-****! Ding-a-****!
  'That you don't care about me a pin?
'Ah! fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room,
  'Ah! why don't you heed my complaint!
'Must you needs be so cruel, you beautiful Broom,
  'Because you are covered with paint?
    'Ding-a-****! Ding-a-****!
    'You are certainly wrong!'


Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel together they sang,
  'What nonsense you're singing to-day!'
Said the Shovel, 'I'll certainly hit you a bang!'
  Said the Broom, 'And I'll sweep you away!'
So the Coachman drove homeward as fast as he could,
  Perceiving their anger with pain;
But they put on the kettle and little by little,
  They all became happy again.
    Ding-a-****! Ding-a-****!
    There's an end of my song!
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