My lungs are empty I am choking on air I can't breathe Oh God what will it take to fade away please my hands are so empty without hers to hold and they shook so much when I told her I'd never let her go it's all ******* red this sky was never blue it's just another red only she could name because compass palms and arrow scars on her wrists pointing to the North I could never find because the rain ruined the only map she left behind god why do you let her haunt me like this oh god I left her there at the side of the road because because because sixteen months ago I wrote her poetry at the same time I forgot how to breathe please God let me trade one for the other I don't want her no I just want air in my lungs her rain was too many winters long oh god when will summer come she is so February and I froze in her arms oh god I just wanted one of the stars in her eyes just one just one to keep me warm it's so dark in my head in this hole god these thoughts are not a red I want to see again please this color is painting your name over and over again all I wanted was -

*i thought i'd find you here

this hole is only
my own