Jan 2015
What is this Emptiness I Feel?
Is it brought on by Fear?
Is this Emptiness,
Or just Space
From the new room I have created?
Triggered by these new feelings of space,
I want to immediately fill it with non-virtuous things.
Unnecessary materials.
Trivial activities.
Unhealthy people.
For the sake of
Not Feeling.
Perhaps from this Space,
I feel something New.
I didn’t create a Hole in me,
I am becoming a Whole new me
Or maybe
More Whole.
I am allowing my Soul to breathe.
Before, my Soul was constricted;
Suffocated and restricted by the
Rigidity in which I lived.
Now that I have abandoned the stringency,
I am left with a New Found Freedom.
And It Feels Foreign.
I want to judge it.
Label it as “Dangerous”
Or “Unsafe”.
On the contrary,
I Need Not Fear Space.
Having Choices and Freedom
Is not only Healthy,
But a True Sign
I am in Recovery.
Is it brought on by Fear?
Is this Emptiness,
Or just Space
From the new room I have created?
Triggered by these new feelings of space,
I want to immediately fill it with non-virtuous things.
Unnecessary materials.
Trivial activities.
Unhealthy people.
For the sake of
Not Feeling.
Perhaps from this Space,
I feel something New.
I didn’t create a Hole in me,
I am becoming a Whole new me
Or maybe
More Whole.
I am allowing my Soul to breathe.
Before, my Soul was constricted;
Suffocated and restricted by the
Rigidity in which I lived.
Now that I have abandoned the stringency,
I am left with a New Found Freedom.
And It Feels Foreign.
I want to judge it.
Label it as “Dangerous”
Or “Unsafe”.
On the contrary,
I Need Not Fear Space.
Having Choices and Freedom
Is not only Healthy,
But a True Sign
I am in Recovery.
Today I felt an uncomfortable emptiness, I wanted to fill the voids with anything I could find to cease the feelings and be dumb to the discomfort. Instead, I reached for my journal and pen, and this was where I was led. I still don't quite understand this emptiness/space cultivating inside of me, but I am not ready to abandon it just yet. If we are strong enough to tolerate the discomfort and overcome our fear to feel our feelings, we can be led to a better path, hopefully a path to liberation.
