I've been searching for the longest time for a place to begin...
the life in which I should call mine, inspired by a hazy ora.

I find myself just jumping the gun
just looking to be done
with this search...oh when is it over?
To find independence and stability...
to find not the needle ,but a certain piece of hay within the hay stack.

The search to begin has happened over and over,
every time I think I've found it...
there I go pushed back to start, forced to start over.
Except I am not a piece of plastic within a board game
more like a hamster running on a wheel,but for what gain?

Once again finding a place to begin again...
a new set of friends inside of a new city...
I think to myself " LOL the fun never ends."

I set myself up,
pretending to be cautiously sober
from the depression that trapped me inside of such a hellish roller coaster.

As I begin to find a place to begin again,
here they come my father's words...****..
"Just dig yourself out of the whole, that you've dug."

****! I wasn't supposed to remember that part!
...Not in my place to begin again.

I'll just have to retrace my steps...let's go back to the start

"I once was a girl with depression, but I decided to get over it through repression, and here we are today, not to remember your father's words of blame...don't remember that, it's not important."  (Rant over)

A voice says: Hi, welcome back Adrian
this is your place to begin again
and if not...

Well it's about time depression left you dead.