i never thought i'd want to cry.
i never thought i'd be begging those tears to fall, coaxing them out of my eyes
until my heart was ripped to shreds and replaced into my chest in the form of a pile of amorphous pulp.
and when the tears need
to fall the most
they won't
i strain so hard i nearly burst
i think of your face
your image plastered on my retinas
i let the "I love you"s,
the "forever"s ring in my ears
i remember all the things you did that made me smile
made me feel like the luckiest human being on earth...

but no tears fall.
no lump forms in my throat.
i am numb.
i was paralyzed the moment i stormed into your house and found her.
that night my world fell apart.
that night your mask fell away.
that night the man that I loved died and was replaced
by a monster
a savage

i believed you.
i believed everything.
i believed the "I love you"s.
i believed the sweet kisses.
i believed the tender looks and the gentle caresses.
But i do not know you anymore,
you are no longer anything to me but a vile egocentric
thing.

yet i cannot morn
no tears will fall
you've left me paralyzed
your venom courses through my veins