When I forget your name
like foreign venom from a foreign tongue
spit into my ear
smushed into a cut
Will it become familiar
once again?

It seems as though
the day you died
every memory of my childhood
died too
So now your name seems strange
like a different note
played from the same trumpet
like a different word
written in the same ink
like something vaguely familiar
but completely lost

In my head
you will always be Snow White
rather than the poison apple
as some have made you out to be
(ironically enough,
all the kids who made you hate yourself
who called you ****, *****, *****
they all still wept when you left us)
I do not mean that you were perfect
but you were my friend
as a little girl
as a child
and that is all I remember
your ghost looks like a nine year-old

I can't remember things the way I used to
My father will bring up times we played together
as if you're still around
I never understood how that works
how we can talk about you like you're still here
how it seems like your fate has been forgotten

I see pictures of you
when your mother posts them online
and I never know what to do.
My half-assed "likes" are my condolences
My comments are my sympathy
"I'm so sorry" has never emerged easily
from underneath my tongue
from the letters hidden in my saliva
sticky with regret

When I forget your name
I will not forget your face
Your memories are etched into my bones
your words are scars upon my skin
your breath is fog inside my mind
that makes the glass cloudy
I never want this fog to clear
I hope the weather never changes
the way we have.