my arms are hungry for your body beside me at night. i still remember the first night that we slept together; the stench of cigarette smoke on your hair and the salty taste of sweat on the back of your neck. i was intoxicated with how much i wanted you and ******* i regret that i didn't kiss you that night. but i knew kissing you would take much more than mere liquid confidence that we got from cheap liquor. i guess i was saving our kiss for more a more drastic event. and here am i months later; ive become the ghost of our relationship that never began in the first place. i am haunted by our firsts cause i know that they may be our lasts. the first time that we set eyes on each other you only had a towel on. the first thing i noticed about you was that you had a scar on your right cheek that i always thought was cute. once i gazed upon your eyes i could've sworn that there was something inside me screaming that you beautiful. that night we slept beside each other and all i was thinking of was that i wanted to pause time. your head on my arm, reading some novel i don't know. my heart pounding inside my chest trying to stop imagining what your lips would taste like. ******* i should've kissed you. now all i have is this reoccurring nightmare wherein you walk down the aisle with the man i could have been but did not become.