if i could count the number of times
i've prayed to forget,
or wished to deflect
my feelings
when your rejection
stings me,
it would outnumber the stars in the sky.
but if i loved less,
chiseled out and repressed
my indulgent heart,
would i remain this person?
could i give myself away
just to be certain,
that the sharpness of dodged glances
would no longer lead to submersion
into a sea of glass shards,
ripping and tearing
blood thickening
into rocky scars,
barricading my laughter
burying my spirit in the rafters
to be stolen by scavengers -
you *******.
train my body to love you,
only to rip the bone from sinew
and regurgitate the overused pieces
spitting
them
as feces -
i am a junkyard.
mark my soul as marred,
guarded by ghoulish goblins who
gamble keys to sacred chambers,
spilling mysteries of the inner sanctum
for two swigs of liquor
and a foolhardy anthem.
mock me if you will,
but my honesty still
beats
your
silence.
i want your soul to boil over and spill,
all over the floor,
so i can see if you're sincerely disgusted
by the truth i entrusted
to your cloudy conscious.
i hope you forget all of this
as the morning sun wakes you hazy
and finds you hastily
running
away
again,
to escape me.
i have made too many bargains.
the devil seized my soul
so i could hold you in my arms
for five more measly seconds.
i refuse to keep
stumbling over regret
but,
what a fool i was,
to think i was your friend
instead of your
*****
little
secret.