I remember the first day
I saw him.
He sat curled around that teddy bear
like it was the love of his life.
Shy
blushing
intrigued...
All the thoughts my little thirteen year old
mind could harbor.

I remember building a bond
one unlike any other.
I'd never been able to open myself up.
Free myself
Not until he,
Not until he was­­–
is–
continues to be.

I remember the way he looked at me while
driving down the road, laughing at his sister's cat.
Innocent.
Both drunk on each other's company
Addicted.
Unwilling for change.

I remember listening.
Listening to you talk about the girl you hoped to marry.
Someday.
Feeling about how much pride I'd have in being a bridesmaid.
Telling you about my fear of being unloved–
unwanted–
uncherished–
But you.
You just hugged me
promised I would not fade away.

I remember we bloomed
flourished
intensified.
Our souls intertwining
passions flairing
Heated, red-faced argument.
The way you pulled me into you
lying together
my head on your heart
your arms around my lungs
peacefully existing.
Breathe in–
breathe out–
Breathe in–
breathe out–
together.
for what I hoped would be forever.

I remember the pain.
The kind that overwhelms your senses
the kind that demands to be felt.

I remember how everything stopped.
G O N E
Like someone had ripped out my lungs,
and then told me to take a deep breath.
The lungs you once held–
So carefully–
now had gaping holes in them
created by your absence
the undeniable thought that you were gone
and willingly gone.
I remember.


I know the peace.
I feel it every day.
In your absence I welcome the immense calm.
You made your choice.
And you will make one again...
All you have to say is
'Please?'
And I'm all yours.


With two souls like ours
We will always find a way to each other.
*Always