But I wasn't drunk, and I didn't let her touch me. I was just lonely. You're so far away at times, and I mean that in all different ways. So what? She made me laugh. So what? We sounded happy? So what? You were so sure that what you saw was what was happening behind closed doors that my explanation and excuses meant nothing anymore. I was wrong in my decision. I was wrong to come home to her. I wouldn't forgive me either but you've punished me since. You've taken the only things I looked forward to away from me. You. Maybe we knew too much about each other. Maybe when we first met everything was safe and good because we were strangers. But I don't want to believe that. And you don't either. There isn't any amount of time or space or distance or words that will make this easier. I do love you. I knew when you almost let me die.