My determination, my resolve.
They have both all but disintegrated. It seems that it is always the case when I need them the most this when they dissolve.

If these attributes were physical masses that could crumble similar to dust or powder.
I get the feeling that I would somehow accumulate more each time I screamed, louder and louder.

People always tell me to stay calm, think twice.
And please believe me when I say that I do listen to their advice.
Being this confused and disorientated all the time is far from nice.

I am perplexed with myself.
Maybe next they will begin to assess or evaluate my mental health.

HaHa, I can see it now. It will most likely start with the obvious  and yet highly irritating question; "How do you feel?"
My automatic and by my normal standards extremely undignified reply; "Pfft! Are you for real?"
Then at the end of that rather hostile, exchange. Up shoots a wall.
And I can not for the life of me, see how people consider this an effective way to heal.
I have never imagined feeling that small.

Case and point: Nobody can or will understand.
Because? They can never know my experiences firsthand.

So, in conclusion I will now and forever remain an enigma.
To some people perhaps I am the personification of the stigma.