I have finally brought myself to smile
Even if it is only in a numb form
Intoxicated, high, anything to get you out
And I only hope now that you are still reading my poems
I hope that you see what is behind these drawn shades
I hope that you can almost hear me weeping
I hope that you do not call me
Because I don't want your sympathy
I don't want you to feel bad for me and call me
Only because you don't want me to feel this way
I hope, if you ever do, that you call me
Out of sincere curiosity to how I've been doing
Acting as if you don't already know
Sitting with one hand grasping your cell phone
And the other, scrolling through my poetry page
And I will tell you "I'm making it"
That's all I can say, if you want me to be honest
Because I am
Sure, it's hard and each day it feels like a rubber band
I am pulling myself away, hoping that it will shoot me back to you before it snaps
But I am making it, none the less
Tonight, I will probably go and get drunk
Erasing you from my mind for a few hours
And I ******* hope you call me while I am intoxicated
So that I can answer and smile
Really smile, not because you called me, but because when you did, I didn't have to worry about anything
You are just another contact in my phone
And one day, that is all you will be
Drunk or sober
You will just be another person who calls