I still see her
She is everywhere
She lies between each word of the books I read

Her breath ripples between each whistle of the wind

Her words are the thing strangling me each time I dare to speak

She is the gleam in his eyes when we argue
She is the strength in every punch I throw and every slap I launch.
She is the tone in my voice,
in what I say when I choke from being bitter and agitated

She is everywhere.

She is the blade that I keep locked away in the box
She is the thin piece of torture that gets right under my skin

She is the thought before and after every meal
She is the knife cutting through before every agonising bite
She is the sweet and sour substance that balances on my spoon,
Filling me up with insults and low self worth

She is the feeling I get when I am intoxicated
Sick, dizzy, angry

She is in every step I take, the dreaded trip to my every destination

She is in every rain drop, the splatting of the water are my feelings as she has my heart in her hands

She is in me,
In every rumble of my stomach,
In every thought that rattles in my head
In every word that I speak
In every blink of my eyes

In every smile that I fake
In every breath I take
She is there,
She is forever within me,
She is everywhere.