The physical form of a child,
Yet with hands old and withered,
From compulsive, incessant hand washing.
My daughter, the sufferer of unimaginable horrors.

I watch her now, as I write this, she is eating,
With ritualistic concentration.
I feel a love within me, so deep, so spiritual,
It gives me comfort, peace.

She didn't choose the disorder,
Anorexia sneaked in.
Five years ago,
Five impossibly long years ago.

The madness in this household
As a result!
Finger pointing, yelling, blaming.
The dog cowering in a corner.

Countless tears shed,
Many of them shared.
All of them salty, all of them stung.
Until there was nothing left,
An empty bottle, upside down.

Our love proved stronger than the bickering.
Accusations gave way to teamwork,
New reserves of strength were found.
We bonded, all four like a clover.

In and out of hospital, nothing seemed to work,
Her weight at one point the same as the dog's
A girl of nineteen years.
We never gave up, we loved her more,
And as a result, she, us.

Then two years ago, another blow,
This time more severe.
Schizophrenia was diagnosed,
We slowly distance ourselves from God.

And now the madness is complete,
The two conditions feeding one another.
The skeletal ****** that can't eat butter,
Versus fleeting moments to cherish.

I'm exhausted now, I can't keep up,
Like swimming against the tide.
I tried though, I really fought,
Gave it all I’ve got.
How long before one gives up,
On a girl not taking her meds?

I love you Jess, it's a physical pain,
But I have an illness too.
Darkness is the only light.
I love you, I love you, I love you.