There are some moments which bring true clarity, whether by song or by substance or merely by the warmth of a human touch against fluttering fingertips grasping.
Those moments after the heat of good *** lying quiet and perhaps content or maybe not, staring at the ceiling and listening to the perfect rise and fall of your lover's breathing.
The few minutes of the workday paused to take in the grandeur of a sunset over a lake with the simple open happiness of a smoke break.
That one point in a song when the world dissolves around you and there is no past nor a future but truly the here and now filling you up with all you feel has been lacking.
There's that singular point of intoxication too, when all things that seemingly make no sense at all when sober suddenly come together into one complete whole to be lost upon waking next morning hungover.
There are some people who say that love is a mere illusion, the same as an acid trip or the endorphins women experience during birth, mere chemistry that makes us all that we are.
And there are also those who preach that all we are is simply an experiment by some divine personage to see if free will works.
I don't have it in me to believe that all we are is anything that can be quantified by any singular theory or description encompassing all of human experience.
I don't have it in me to hate anymore either, though I have been given many reasons to do so, it just seems so adverse to everything I have ever been taught by people who loved me.
Yes there has been pain and yes there has been suffering, personal as well as that of our nations', as well as that of our understanding of what humanity is as a whole.
We have done terrible, unspeakable things to each other in the name of some rancid idea or another and yet, others of us have given all that we have in the name of something called empathy, maybe passion?
All I know for sure is that I should have been killed two years ago by my own idiocy and yet I was not.