i've got a new life coming tomorrow will dawn bright and i will awake with breath in my lungs as i have never breathed before. future's closer than ever now, who i could be is becoming me. but the heart beats in my chest flood me with blood too warm, pumps me full of strange adrenaline to fight monsters that are only memories. the phrases the words you write to me now are so strange i read them and glean no meaning, my stomach leaping into my throat, my hands maybe shaking, maybe holding still, i can't even tell. i don't want to go back, i want more than anything to move on and every time i see your photograph your name, your words, i am ****** back into summer, all my regret and my mistakes fill me up with hot blood, make me want to drown. hell is where everyone is disappointed and my tongue is nailed to the floor when they expect me to speak. i don't have any words for you now. i don't have anything to say. i don't think of you, but involuntarily, momentarily, heart beats and it's gone.