anxiety creeps
along my spine
"youre  not  good  enough!"
my conscious whines
"stupid , worthless , left  for  dead!"
i cant get these voices
out of my head.

sometimes i wish
i could end it all
but that would make me
all too responsible
for grief and pain
and suffering
for the ones i love
and who say they love me.

is this what life
is all about?
ive thought these thoughts
for 9 years now
and the only person
that can help
me from myself
is unhappy
from bottom to top
because of me
because  of  me .
they cant help
but sing me lies
in order to live
their chosen life
am i that bad?
that you could shatter
my trust into pieces
and have it not matter?

my heart is tearing
sobbing, moaning, crying
my fingernails tear
at my skin, im trying
to hold back
from digging in deeper
with a dull knife
or a sewing needle
just smoke it away
the cravings, the urges
get high and play
the thought game in which
i forget who i am
and who's life i am in.