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882 · Sep 2014
october
K Sep 2014
i don’t want to talk about it.
i don’t want to talk about how for three years
my morning routine  has been prozac and just enough coffee
to disguise the fact that i haven’t
slept in four days.

i don’t want to talk about how
the boy with the subaru coated in grateful dead stickers
loved me and how i ran because of this.

nor about how my birthday is in
19 days
and i still want to die.
another year come and gone.

i am a stranger in my own body.
maps written in a foreign language.
my ship has sailed,
my breed extinct.
going
going
going
gone.
534 · Jan 2015
to protect and serve
K Jan 2015
the air feels like fire.
it’s cold but there’s something lingering in it
and it burns enough to make you warm.
it envelops you in hundreds of smells, wet pavement, fresh paint, gasoline, salt, the smells of a city alive at night.
heads and ears pulsating and ringing as the hundreds of voices surrounding you dance.
it’s been nine days since a boy was shot in cold blood
by an unpunished officer.
"protect and serve"
there are hundreds of sweating and shaking bodies surrounding your own in a protestor’s dance.
on a crisp night like this, nobody is a singled.
we are one, screaming, angry, and trembling mass.
a man walks by.
usually you would take into account his presence.
you would notice that he was tall, towering over you, or the scar that ran through his thick eyebrow like lightning. usually you’d be gripped by an unintentional fear by his overpowering existence, but tonight it doesn’t matter.
maybe take into attention the tiny pale woman who’s body was shoved into yours, and how her bones jut out like they’re trying to escape. tonight is not that night.
tonight is the night where the streets of portland, maine, and hundreds of other cities around the world
run with sweat and tears.
tonight is the night in which humanity falls like dropping a feather in the wind.
tonight is passion like boiling water from a teapot long ignored.
K Sep 2014
there was too much of everything.
and i don't regret any of our
too many's.
not the smoke or the liquor nor
the kisses.
or the caresses
or the things we whispered to each other
in the hum of the kitchen light.
i don't regret the love we can
only see in the dark.
460 · Sep 2014
(m)ute
K Sep 2014
with time i lost the set notion of your deserving.
if you deserved my sadness and tears and screams
drenching your absence like acid.
but tonight it is strong and maybe i deserve this hell and maybe you don’t deserve my longing but
what’s done is done and
i still hurt.
i’d tell you to come home but i’ve torn it all down and there’s nothing left.
but anybody else isn’t you and deserving is a concept long lost.
K Oct 2014
a timeless and whimsical love.
standing tall or small in the rain or shine
in her own celestial beauty,
textures painting the world’s first picture like
all the smoke and the
oceans and had come together to dance.
and dance she does, careful in the wind,
a ballet of everything we know.
serving the world with
delicate hands,
expecting nothing in return,
truly the unseen mother.

though her beauty fading with time in the eyes of others,
never for those of us whose hearts are made out of stars.
so an ode to trees,
is surely deserved.
435 · Sep 2014
mirrored
K Sep 2014
pale european features
contoured with a celestial lack of
sleep and too much coffee.
spun gold falling in unruly curls
from a morbid skull.
eyes like the ocean had met the forest, in a
final attempt of togetherness.
freckles tracing wild constellations,
scars proving an ungraceful demise.

body carved by sorrows,
existence a black hole.
demise an inevitable void.
413 · May 2015
house cleaning
K May 2015
you're a vacuum at this point.
you take in all the dirt,
but more often than that
you **** up your great grandmother's pearls.
to tear at one loose seam in the carpet,
and suddenly you're standing alone in a room full of yarn.
time is cold and unforgiving on the crinkles that
used to appear at the corners of your eyes when you smiled.
cold and unforgiving on beautiful hands that now claw at your skin waiting for its fix.

i don't remember what your smile looks like.
K Oct 2014
forests replaced with corruption and greed,
limbs of trees hardened like hearts.
generations of infant soldiers raised on pills and bills,
grey men with white hair in black suits giving instructions on how to exist.
green paper playing king, white house playing god,
a minimal but calculated color scheme.

an infinity;
the civil war of souls.
373 · Oct 2014
Untitled
K Oct 2014
and on the plane in which my body lie,
cold and grey, waiting upon an unspoken desire.
vacant and dead, seething an unseen sun.
purity dripping from cold dry lips,
a new beginning for the sky.
stars gather, diving into open palms,
walking unto the light.
368 · Sep 2014
nothing to do(with it)
K Sep 2014
empty houses with their drawn shades and
rotting porches that once held time and tale.
parents raising children in hypocritical
bursts. mothers
partially absent, drinking whenever they can.
fathers verbal abusing, and an even
louder absence.
i'll slither in through your
ears and
tell what goes on behind
closed doors.
show the inevitable futures of poverty and coke lines.
empty bottles of ***** and cheap ******.
or maybe you'll hit it clean.
suburban treatment.
grow middle aged and privileged to
watch your babies **** themselves or
everybody around them.

we're all born with the death penalty. i've been living mine every day.
K Sep 2014
all you've known was rot and decay.
everyday
living beneath a surface of water,
everything slow and uneven.
and then something happens and you're
on dry land and the sun makes your skin feel
warm and
the world was built for you.
it'll be heaven for a while.
but the riptide pulls
at your core
******* you back under water as
your heaven shrugs it's pale shoulders and
walks away.
you're back under water again and
you've come to a bitter end
where you can't
remember the last time you've smiled.
the water starts to look good to you and you
let the riptide take you.
327 · Dec 2014
funerals
K Dec 2014
time tastes a lot like rotting flowers
when your skin is made of clouded glass.

breathing feels much like falling
when you've tasted the outer limits of hell.

laughter mimics broken bells when you've watched thousands of suns sink behind ever-growing mountains.

burial plans begin just when you've begun to stand.

humanity grows cancerous flowers in dying bones
from the moment the human is born.
297 · Sep 2014
quick
K Sep 2014
my house is a home to
much more than living things.
sometimes it feels alive,
breathing beside me.
in this house lives the resentment of my mother and how
she can't feel love, the resentment for money, and monsters, and
everything else.
i love my
mother-dearest but
sometimes i think that
the only thing living is her
demons.
265 · Sep 2014
un(h)appy
K Sep 2014
i don’t know
what time or what day of the week it is.
but today or tonight or this afternoon i am consumed.
how i can’t
listen to that album anymore
without remembering
how we lie sprawled on my bed as you sang to me and played the strands of my hair like a piano,
singing words of someone much bigger than us who
probably never blinked at the notion of such mundane love.
but still the words bring back waves.

no matter
the time or the day,
i still remember.
and it still burns in the night and they day
and in the afternoon.
265 · Sep 2014
(m)isfits
K Sep 2014
instead of remembering days
sitting beneath trees bleeding flowers through the
space between us and the sky,
rather than fingers tracing freckles, and tongues colliding,
i choose to remember you as you were
before it got bad.
bigger than the bad days is the fact that
you were the only person i've
ever really loved.
how through my constant nights of clenched fists and cigarette breaths,
is how i hope you're happy now
and the sun still shines
everywhere you go.

— The End —