That drunken altercation
With legs writhing and
Palms larruped
Leaving hand-shaped welts
On pink skin,
That error that cannot be undone
Will forever haunt me,
But the ghost follows
Two hosts.

When he looks into my eyes
And feels himself within me
The vision of the other man
Tip-toes around the back
Of his brain,
Lingering like the smell
Of garbage,
Prompting him that he’s
Not the only one to
Kiss my lips,
Or trace the curves of
My hips,
Or tell me that he loves me.

Though he gave his forgiveness,
Let me stay inside his heart,
The memory is crippling,
And a part of me is lost.

You dragged yourself along
Trudging your feet
And squinting in
The sunlight,
You laughed at the way
We interlace our fingers,
And how it seemed different
This time.

Your pupils widened
And you smiled at me,
Sitting in my car
In a gas station parking lot
I felt gloom and
Your bumbling fingers
On me
Made my skin crawl.

'Twas not fair of me
Substance altered your filter
And out slipped the truth
In that state I felt
You slipping away from me
I wanted to please you
The passion I harbor
For you
Sways my moods
Like a willow tree,
*Je t'aime
Je t'aime
Je t'aime.

You kept your calm
Even while leather straps
Teased your back
In the most malicious
Of ways...
The cries that
Escaped your lips
Sounded like songs to me,
You plucked the strings
Of the harp
Within me
And pulled like the moon
On the waves
And brought tears to
My eyes,
The midday sun plead
With me
To blink them away though
The salt would sting
On bloodied fingers.

I am caught between two sets of chains;
One digs into my flesh with patches of rust
Entering my bloodstream through old wounds
I gave myself in years before…
The toxins take action ever so slowly.

Another is of satin,
Gently caressing my knuckles
Making me happier—
I think—
Than I’ve ever been in my whole life,

But there’s pressure on my clavicles
As the pull becomes stronger.

I have cried over you
All the while I’ve been saying:
‘I love you’
For I know that I feel more deeply
Than you could ever feel
I see farther forward
Then you’ve ever dared to look,
And I’m trapped here with my
Adoration for you,
And I already miss you.

She was wise at
Five feet and seven inches
With a voice that could
Shake the barracks
Of a ship
When anger harvested her
But tender
As a lamb
With the soft creases
Of her hands
She said happiness
Is gargantuan but also
Very small
You can fit it in the palm
She said
Give it away
You will
One day
But still it will be yours
Never let somebody else
—Especially not a
**** Y-chromosome—
Hold your contentment
In their hot
Little
Hands.

You laid with me in a shallow grave
Blood could no longer run from
My cracked lips
And fermented saliva
Harbored a black tongue
Swelled and jetted out
Juxtaposed against ghostly flesh
You lit a match and searched for
The wick inside me
Tried to find the flame of who
I once was
To light it again.

I wanted to be a snowflake
Laid to rest
On the roof above your head
But there were others that fell
Pushing down on my ribs
I held my breath but
I’d already lost my luster
Who can compete with
A fille of seventeen
Eyes bejeweled and
Legs long like palm trees
I wanted to be a woolen blanket
Radiate your warmth
Back over you
You had no need for my tenderness
The beams of late morning
Sent me tumbling down
A gutter pipe
Left swirling in a crack
In the pavement
Hand in hand with your enchantress
Carefully stepping over me
You mustn’t get her shoes wet.