Our affection was a spider web
As we slept in our separate homes
With our spirits inhabiting
Both bodies,
The gossamer was swindled
Carefully in between each
Eyelash and around each
Finger and toe,
Tiny filmy stings
Had our hearts connected.

I felt a pang inside me
When loneliness tugged
Your arms and plead with you
To follow it.

I wondered
As my tear ducts
Emptied themselves
Onto my cheeks,
How do I cope with
Sadness that is not
My own?

I have felt the
Icy sleet
That is one a.m.
With sad songs
And emptiness in
All aspects of life
And I wish it upon
No one.

I want the sadness
Only to be mine
I want to be greedy
I want to steal it
From you
If only so that
I could see you happy.

I was to you a God
You worshipped my hips
The rose petals surrounding
My tongue
I was le femme
But I lost all femininity
In your eyes
God was neutral
God was I
You wanted to
Be in the core
Of God.

Purple had always been my favorite color
Knuckles struck my eye socket and
The sudden pressure left bulges like
Two ripe and juicy summer plums
Beside my nose
And through the fissures in my
Fruity peepers
Swollen and dripping with tears
I could make out his shoulders
Still hovering above me
Fists still clenched
I backed toward the wall
In all sense of the phrase
Searching for the security of
Drywall on my palms behind me
Darkness closed in
He stepped in front of the light
And I could hear his breathing
Growing nearer
And I whipped my thoughts
Back to purple.

Yellow beam of light circles
My face
Momentarily blinding me again
And again and again
One night like an eon
As the tiny celestial bodies
Above the clouds revolve around
The black night sky
My shadow scaled the spire
To the crown of the beaming
Watchtower gazing over a
Restless sea
To find me floating away
With the tenacious waves.

Why did they always associate you
With that specific word?
You always thought that word
To describe the tender feline kind
Gentle in showing affection
Brushing their fluffy cheeks on
Your shins
But they do have
Their claws as well.

School children were
Just as harsh
If not more
If it rhymed with imp
It burned in your ears
And in the mouths of
Mom and dad late at night
After you’d been sent to bed.

Your own father had
Told you to just wipe
Your nose on your sleeve
And **** it up

And it hurt worse
Than any other
Punch to the gut
And that was just
Tenth grade.

You're far from the drumbeat
Young girl
Lions and zebras in cages
You never liked their stripes
Father would grind his teeth
At the sight of those
Dom perde
Once you saw a man
Lying in the street—a kaffir
His skin raised and bloodied in lines
Across his chest
Reminding you of standing between bars and
Those streaked beasts  
Stamping in their own mess
Kept far away from your
White silk tunic
Still young enough to marvel
What would father think
******* swollen with milk for
Bearing a child the color
Of Christmas chocolate
"An abomination above all others"
Father always fired the dienaar seuns
On the day of their thirteenth birthday
For your protection
He said
For your protection.

Simple gestures made to flatter us
Quietly coax us
Iron fists of gentle persuasion
A peck of reverence
Upon my dainty hand
Silently apprise me
To get undressed
And when you pay the check
I’m under the obligation
To be a lady
To be a good girl
And do as good girls do.