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???
pieces Apr 2014
???
every time someone asks me about myself,
i don't know what to say
because the truth is that
i don't know who am i.
i just stay there silently
looking for an answer
that is nowhere to be found.
pieces May 2014
if you were to know me
you would say that
i'm as crazy & wild
as a tornado in its highest category.
pieces May 2014
your voice is like acid
that burns my skin
every time i hear you talk.
pieces Oct 2013
she had the most beautiful smile
and i bet you didn't know.
her eyes were like the sunrise
but once she got home
she looked herself at a mirror
and didn't like what she saw.
her eyes turned into sunset
so she became blind
in a world of wonders
but not wonders in her world.
pieces Nov 2014
day by day
i see your face
night by night
i miss your voice
day by night
i love your smile
night by day
i want you to stay
pieces Jul 2014
words popping out in my head
unclear images & dreams seize me every night
the thought of you follows me everywhere
but you never ease to say "hello,"
so it's time for me to say "goodbye."
pieces Dec 2013
i feel like talking to you
& being with you all the time
hugging you
kissing you
seeing you smile
seeing you happy
& it's weird
because i thought i'd never fall for you
because you'd never fall for me
& i didn't want to be dependent
on someone else's happiness & personality
to be my happiness
& it's even weirder
that i feel like i need
to feel your skin in mine's
& capture your soul every time
i look at you.
it's weird because you are full of many flaws
but i don't see them
& i look at you with my eyes full of wonders
but you don't look at me
the way i look at you;
but you look at her the way i look at you.
pieces Dec 2013
the best part of the day
is when my mind gets drunk
with thoughts of you
and no, i don't want to be sober
and i sometimes wonder
do you get drunk with thoughts of me too?
pieces Jan 2016
al verte parado frente a mi,
pense en todas las veces que miraba tu foto & te imaginaba junto a mi.
pense en lo pequeño que se ponen tus ojos cuando te ries & en lo amplia que se pone tu sonrisa cuando digo algo que te parece gracioso.
pense en lo agradecida que estaba, pues era yo la culpable de que sonrieras tanto.
te tuve tan cerca por mucho rato.
volvi a tocarte, a abrazarte, a sentirte, a hablarte, a mirarte, a pensarte.
hacias de cualquier momento uno util para hablarme. me preguntabas "estas cansada?" & sonreias.
puede que me sienta cansada fisicamente, pero jamas me sentire cansada de ver tu sonrisa, ver tus ojos, escuchar tu voz, & escucharte sonreir.
tu sonrisa es como la melodia que calma mis pensamientos & me ayuda a sentir viva.
tantos dias mirando tu foto imaginandote a mi lado, & hoy por fin te tuve frente a mi sonriente como siempre lo has estado.
aprovechabas cada momento para abrazarme & tocarme, observarme & hablarme.
me hacias pensar en la vez que me preguntaste si eramos algo mas, que con tanto rato al lado tuyo lo comenze a creer. solo queria mas & mas & mas de ti.
no solo te queria para ese rato.
te queria para mas.
para ese rato, & otro rato, & todos los ratos que puedan ser.
sentir tus manos en mi me hizo sentir como pieza de museo. como si tu fueras el escultor que moldeaba la pieza & le daba forma & vida. & yo era la pieza de museo que cobraba vida al ser moldeada & tocada por ti.
como si yo fuera esa pieza de museo que te sabes de memoria, te encanta tocar, & siempre esta en tus pensamientos.
pense que eras el escultor que vendia taquillas de museo para que todos fueran & puedan admirar tu amada pieza de museo que soy yo. como si yo fuera tu pieza de museo favorita & quisieras que todos lo supieran para que conozcan & esten consientes de tan majestuosa pieza de museo que soy. que solo tuya soy & tuya sere. que no importa cuantos ojos vengan a observarme, sabrias que ninguno podria mirarme de la misma manera en la que lo haces tu. que no importa cuantas manos vengan con la intencion de tocarme, ninguno podria hacerlo pues soy tu pieza favorita & no quisieras que me rompieran, aunque muy en el fondo sabias que una pieza como yo jamas podria romperse, pues estaba echa de un material unico que no se encuentra en todas partes, si no dentro de ti: tu gran amor hacia mi. tan delicada pero a la misma vez tan fuerte & llena de vida. no quisieras que hubieran piezas de otras personas en mi. total, sabias que ninguno otro podria tocarme con el amor & la dulzura que lo haces tu. tu me conoces, pues tu me creaste.
cuando me mirabas, te pensaba observando mi foto e imaginandome junto a ti. & que cuando estuve frente a ti, era la unica con la quien querias pasar todos tus ratos.
tantos pensamientos cobraron vida cuando te vi, hasta que volvi a la realidad & recorde que no soy tu pieza de museo favorita. hasta que recorde que existe otra pieza de museo que te gusta tocar & moldear aun mas. hasta que recorde que hay alguien mas en tu vida que ocupa todos tus pensamientos & con quien pasas todos tus ratos.
pieces Mar 2014
your sweetest eyes come in contact with mine's
& i stay there wondering,
"why are you starting at me?"
are you counting every flaw
in every inch of my body?
or are you starting at me
wondering why a girl like me
walks with her head down all the time,
has a wrecked mind,
saves distance from others
& never talks about her past?
if you keep looking at me like that, i am gonna keep on falling harder.
pieces Dec 2013
& all it takes is a hug from you
to feel your skin in my body
& fall for you even more
as i lay my head in your chest
& feel your heart beating
like a pleasantly melody
idk
pieces Nov 2014
idk
how can i love you when i can't even love myself?
pieces Sep 2013
Insecurities are killing me
They are seizing me
They are stronger than me
Stronger than my own self
Stronger than I imagined
I can't escape from them
It's like I'm a prisoner
of my own body.
pieces Dec 2013
& the world will become together
as we get together & become a nation.
war & poverty will be filled
with wars of happiness & rich of love.
peace will be eased in everyone's soul
& the demon will let us rest.
we all will be sharing
happiness of & wonderful thoughts;
even more when i look into your eyes
& finally see you pleased
that's when i'm okay.
nothing breaks nothing
& every thing reaches everything
as the death sleeps
like i sleep in your arms.
this world would not be as damaged as before
but as helpful & care enough as tomorrow
with childhood memories in the air
as i smoke your soul
& fullfil my life with what's in it.
the left overs are for the loners
to become -in & pleased
as i stare into the night
admiring nothing but feeling everything.
the scars that once controlled me
& the insecurities that once seized me
are now nothing but dust in the past.
& what if i wasn't smoking here,
but with a knife instead?
would i become an angel?
with all these wonders
nobody wants to miss a thing.
maybe you don't understand me
or this long & messy poem
but there's one thing i want you to know:
nothing feels better than being able to write
& express one's self in a way
no one understands but me.
pieces Sep 2013
The same girl who always cares about everyone
even if nobody cares about her;
is the same girl whom her friends tell her she's pretty
but she thinks otherwise.
Is the same girl who seems to be happy,
but has scars that show otherwise.
Is the same girl that when she looks herself at a mirror,
finds every flaw on her body
and has no fingers left to keep counting.
Is the same girl who finds difficult to sleep at night
because she can not stop thinking
about things that have happened in the past that still hurt her.
Is the same girl who mortifies herself
by what people think.
Is the same girl that can be surrounded by thousands of people,
but always feel alone.
Is the same girl who helps everybody
knowing who most needs help
is herself.
Is the same girl who hates her face, her body
and everything about herself.
Is the same girl whom you will see smiling of happiness,
but most of the time
she will be filled with sadness.
Is the same girl who's looking for happiness,
although happiness
is not looking for her.
pieces Dec 2013
everybody has a thing they are really good at
but i don't
i don't have a thing
singing is not my thing
dancing is not my thing
drawing is not my thing
doing any type of sports is not my thing
playing any type of instruments is not my thing
acting is not my thing
modeling is not my thing
& it scares me
because that thing can open so many doors
full of opportunities
but i don't have a thing
i don't have a thing that can reflect how i am
or how i feel
or what i like
i don't have a thing that makes me different from everybody else
i don't have a thing or a talent
i don't have a thing
& it's like not having my ownself
or at least,
i don't have a thing so far
that can help me achieve my dreams
why don't i have a thing?
pieces Mar 2014
i'm a motivationless, emotionless,
hopeless teenager who is lost in the
deepest part of her soul & has no
clue how to find her way out.
will i ever make it out here?¿
pieces Dec 2013
sometimes i feel so distant
i even feel like crying
without knowing why
& it makes me feel lost.
i don't want to go back
to the depressing days
when i could hear voices in my head
& had insomnia
neither to have depressed & suicidal thoughts.
i thought i got over it
i thought i overcome it
but no;
i didn't really do.
you can't just overcome someting
that has being with you for years.
maybe you feel better & better
as the time passes,
but depression will still be there
deep inside you
waiting for you to have a moment of sadness
so it can seize you again
& you better be prepared for it
because it can get you
without you expecting it -unexpectedly.
pieces Dec 2013
i tend to fall apart easily
because i'm tired of disappointments
but if you ask me to stay
i won't hesitate
i'll stay as long as you want me to
pieces Jul 2014
i see poetry in the way you smile.
pieces Sep 2013
My life consists on "what if."
What if I was prettier?
What if I was attractive?
What if I had a pretty smile, a nice voice, and a pretty long hair?
What if I had more confidence on myself?
Would people like me?
Would I be happy?
Would the guy I like, likes me back?
Would I be able to do what I want without feeling "weird"?
Would I be important to someone?
Would people look at me and think,
"Wow, she's beautiful."
Would my life be different?
Or would my life still be the same:
full of insecurities, lies and sadness?
But the truth is that I'll never know.
pieces Jul 2016
it's been a while since i last wrote something.
it's been a while since i last felt anything.
NOW I AM FEELING EVERY SINGLE EMOTION I HAVE EVER KEPT BOTTLED UP INSIDE ME ALL AT THE SAME TIME & IT'S TEARING ME UP ALL I WANT TO DO IS SIT IN THE DARKEST CORNER RESEMBLING MY EMPTINESS & THE DARK DAYS & CRY MY EYES ALL OUT.
it's been a while since anyone asked me how i was feeling.
it's been a while since i last said "i'm fine," not because i actually felt fine, but because i was used to say "i'm fine" just to avoid having to explain myself even though nobody wouldn't understand.
i don't really know how much time has it been since anyone asked me how i was feeling, because they think of me as an emotionless person, BUT RIGHT NOW ALL I NEED IS SOMEONE TO ASK ME HOW AM I FEELING SO I COULD EXPLAIN MYSELF EVEN THOUGH THEY WON'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I DON'T NEED THEM TO UNDERSTAND I JUST WANT TO LET EVERYTHING OUT BECAUSE IT'S EATING MY SOUL WELL NOT MY SOUL BECAUSE IT WAS EATEN LONG AGO BEFORE I COULD EVEN REMEMBER I COULD FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HOLD ME & ASK ME HOW AM I FEELING & LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY BUT NOBODY EVER DOES BECAUSE THEY THINK OF ME AS AN EMOTIONLESS PERSON THEY THINK I'M JUST LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST JUST BECAUSE THEY SEE A SMILE ON MY FACE BUT WHAT THEY DON'T SEE IS THAT MY SMILE IS SHATTERED I AM BROKEN INSIDE & I CAN'T FIX MYSELF NOBODY CAN FIX ME I CAN'T FIX WHAT I AM MADE OF I CAN'T FIX THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER KNOWN & I DON'T NEED TO FIX IT I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY & TELL ME EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY EVEN THOUGH I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY BECAUSE NOTHING EVER GOES OKAY I AM SHATTERED I AM BROKEN THIS IS WHO I AM DON'T FIX ME JUST LISTEN TO ME.
it's been a while since someone hugged me.
it's been a while since i last felt someone else's touch.
it's been a while since i last let someone hug me.
it's been a while since i last let someone touch me.
it's been a while since i last let someone get close enough to even whisper my name.
it's been a while since i last let someone BECAUSE THAT MEANS THEY GET TO HUG ME & TOUCH ME & WHISPER MY NAME & GET CLOSE & THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER LET HUG ME OR FEEL ME OR TOUCH ME OR WHISPER MY NAME OR GET CLOSE ENOUGH IS MY DEPRESSION & EVERYTIME MY DEPRESSION COMES AROUND I FEEL UNWANTEDLY TOUCH I FEEL MY DEPRESSION HUGGING ME BACK TO MY BED KEEPING ME THERE WHISPERING MY NAME EVERYTIME MY DEPRESSION COMES AROUND I LET IT CLOSE ENOUGH I CAN FEEL THE SOUL INSIDE OF ME DYING OVER & OVER AGAIN & I CAN LISTEN TO THE VOICES IN MY HEAD WHISPERING MY NAME SINGING LULLABIES TELLING ME I'LL BE OKAY IF I STAY IN BED BUT WE ALL KNOW STAYING IN BED WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE BECAUSE I WILL DETERIORATE MYSELF BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE DEPRESSION KEEPS ME IN MY BED & IT KEEPS ME COMPANY IT MAKES ME FEEL SOMETHING IT TELLS ME EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OKAY IT TELLS ME EVERYTHING I NEED TO HEAR EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IS NOT TRUE MY DEPPRESION IS THE ONLY THING ASKING ME HOW I FEEL WHEN IN REALITY IT'S THE ONE KILLING ME BUT I RATHER DIE SAYING HOW I FEEL THAN NOT SAYING OR FEELING ANYTHING AT ALL I AM SO FULL OF EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW & ALL I WANT TO DO IS SING LULLABIES WITH THE SOUND OF MY CRY & LET THE TEARS TOUCH MY SKIN I WANT TO FEEL OKAY FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I KNOW THE EMPTINESS WILL COME BACK TO ME BECAUSE IT ALWAYS DOES BUT I RATHER DIE WITH COMPANY THAN DIE BY MYSELF & UNHEARD.
pieces Nov 2015
who am i now?

i've been asked "why are you so emotionless?" "why are you so fearless?" many times this past week.
i feel like it's been an infinite amount of times, i lost count.
truth is, i wasn't always like this.

if you were to ask me about my 12-year-old self, oh, you'd think i was the most living, joyful human being on the planet.
always so cheerful. huge smile. with so much desire to live & energy running through my veins, i'd enlighten a whole new world. i'd create supernovas with my laugh & you'd see galaxies in my eyes. a broad & unlimited imagination, i'd take you to new places & worlds you never thought existed. just by my prescence, i'd create an avalanche & turn nightmares into dreams.

if you were to ask me about my 15-year-old self, oh, you'd know that not much changed. just for one thing: that the 12-year-old girl had died. i then was a little older, a little quiter, a little limited.
i wasn't able to create supernovas anymore or to turn nightmares into dreams. dreams turned my life into a nightmare, & the demons i once thought hid under my bed now lived inside me. my prescence was somewhat felt, but you wouldn't be able to see galaxies in my eyes anymore. the galaxies were eaten out by black holes & my life was consumed by the dust.

if you were to ask me about my 18-year-old-present-me self, oh, you'd know that not much has changed. just for one thing: that the 15-year-old me had died. the demons almost took her life, but they did take her soul & her innocence completely.
with no soul, there's no emotion, no desire, no energy, no life. i mean, how could there be life still underneath all the dust & all the darkness?
"why are you so emotionless?"
"why are you so fearless?"
because when you go through so much darkness alone & you drown to the deepest part of the ocean, you learn that the only one who can give you the light & strength you need to swim back up is yourself. because you know it can't get worse when you already had reached bottom low, so you just learn to swim with the weaves. because you learn that it's better to not get attached to temporary feelings that could bring darkness along all again. because life is so much better & simpler when there's nobody pushing you over the edge of the boat. because when you lose everything, there's nothing left to be fearful for. there's nothing left to care for.

i ask myself, "who am i now?"
if i'm not the girl who could enlighten a whole new world, create supernovas with her laugh & had the galaxies in her eyes;
or the girl who wasn't able to turn nightmares into dreams;
or the girl who got her soul & her innocence completely taken away;
who am i now?
pieces Apr 2014
Life is like the flowers:
when you water them,
they bloom like the most beautiful flowers ever seen.
As the time passes,
they keep growing & growing;
when you don't water them,
they wilt little by little
becoming the most fragile flowers of the entire world.
They keep on fading away
& their memories turn into dust
until there's nothing left to become beautiful again.
water me, pls?¿

— The End —