sometimes i feel so distant
i even feel like crying
without knowing why
& it makes me feel lost.
i don't want to go back
to the depressing days
when i could hear voices in my head
& had insomnia
neither to have depressed & suicidal thoughts.
i thought i got over it
i thought i overcome it
but no;
i didn't really do.
you can't just overcome someting
that has being with you for years.
maybe you feel better & better
as the time passes,
but depression will still be there
deep inside you
waiting for you to have a moment of sadness
so it can seize you again
& you better be prepared for it
because it can get you
without you expecting it -unexpectedly.

i feel like talking to you
& being with you all the time
hugging you
kissing you
seeing you smile
seeing you happy
& it's weird
because i thought i'd never fall for you
because you'd never fall for me
& i didn't want to be dependent
on someone else's happiness & personality
to be my happiness
& it's even weirder
that i feel like i need
to feel your skin in mine's
& capture your soul every time
i look at you.
it's weird because you are full of many flaws
but i don't see them
& i look at you with my eyes full of wonders
but you don't look at me
the way i look at you;
but you look at her the way i look at you.

& all it takes is a hug from you
to feel your skin in my body
& fall for you even more
as i lay my head in your chest
& feel your heart beating
like a pleasantly melody

& the world will become together
as we get together & become a nation.
war & poverty will be filled
with wars of happiness & rich of love.
peace will be eased in everyone's soul
& the demon will let us rest.
we all will be sharing
happiness of & wonderful thoughts;
even more when i look into your eyes
& finally see you pleased
that's when i'm okay.
nothing breaks nothing
& every thing reaches everything
as the death sleeps
like i sleep in your arms.
this world would not be as damaged as before
but as helpful & care enough as tomorrow
with childhood memories in the air
as i smoke your soul
& fullfil my life with what's in it.
the left overs are for the loners
to become -in & pleased
as i stare into the night
admiring nothing but feeling everything.
the scars that once controlled me
& the insecurities that once seized me
are now nothing but dust in the past.
& what if i wasn't smoking here,
but with a knife instead?
would i become an angel?
with all these wonders
nobody wants to miss a thing.
maybe you don't understand me
or this long & messy poem
but there's one thing i want you to know:
nothing feels better than being able to write
& express one's self in a way
no one understands but me.

i tend to fall apart easily
because i'm tired of disappointments
but if you ask me to stay
i won't hesitate
i'll stay as long as you want me to

the best part of the day
is when my mind gets drunk
with thoughts of you
and no, i don't want to be sober
and i sometimes wonder
do you get drunk with thoughts of me too?

she had the most beautiful smile
and i bet you didn't know.
her eyes were like the sunrise
but once she got home
she looked herself at a mirror
and didn't like what she saw.
her eyes turned into sunset
so she became blind
in a world of wonders
but not wonders in her world.