Yeah, I'm still writing. It reminds me that I'm still alive.
That I haven't given up. I haven't surrendered to the knife..

Somehow, I'm still here. These sheets haven't been stained red.
I keep fighting. I keep struggling. I haven't surrendered to death.

And I haven't given in. I haven't tried to break my friends.
I haven't shared the pain. I haven't surrendered to the darkness.

I've given warnings, and a very small taste of what's yet to come.
I've retained my longest promise.. I haven't surrendered my love.

I'm keeping this fire burning. The monster continues his fight.
And though I'm right there with him.. I haven't surrendered my life.

I've thought up my revenge. I've contemplated all the many ways.
But I keep them all in my head. I haven't surrendered my faith.

Yeah, it breaks me to remember all of the times that I have cried.
But I still have strength left. Because the sweet surrender is denied.

I'll lay here and pray... Maybe it'll go better than it did at church..
Where I knelt and cried in front of the whole world. Finally admitted I hurt..

I'm not ten feet tall and bullet proof, like I so desperately wish...
God, take this pain.. Take these tears.. I hate feeling like this....

I'm praying to you through my writing. Something I've never done..
But.. I know that it will come from my heart.. Which I have kept shut...

Maybe I deserved this.. I should have been a better son..
I should have listened to you more... Shouldn't have been all about fun....

Every sin still lingers in my mind.. They haunt me every day....
And I've confessed more than once... I wish I could obey......

But I'm so weak, as I'm sure you know.. I feel like I'm not enough...
I'm not strong... I'm again a fallen angel... Falling away from your love..

I stand here today, so far from the same. It's hard to move on without you..
So, my God, fill these spaces left in me.. I'm so near to lost, but I'm not alone...

Why did I keep trying, when I knew how it would end?
I knew you'd never choose me. It was always my best friend.

Why did I let myself feel something? Why didn't I just shrug it off?
Why can't I let it go? And why the **** do I have the urge to call?

I know it won't do any good. I'd just try to hurt you.
I'd just manipulate you and **** with your head. An outlet to abuse.

There's nothing I haven't already said. Yet still, I could write a book
Of all the things I want to to say to you. And I doubt you'd ever look.

Just like with these poems. I doubt you'll care enough to check.
But if he was the one writing... You'd hang on to every word he said.

I desperately wish we'd never kissed. Hell, I almost wish we'd never met.
I definitely wish we'd never ****** in my car. Wish we'd NEVER had ***.

Those moments on the stage, in my car, your room. All so meaningless.
And I wish I could see and hear you cry. But you're still my best friend.....

Ya know, I really don't believe a word you've said.
I keep running over the lies and secrets floating in my head.

You say you wanted everyone happy and not for me to hurt.
Then why didn't you back the *******, instead of continuing to flirt?

You two spent so much time alone, and you knew what it would do.
You knew you'd cheat on your fiance. And you knew I'd want to hurt you.

Ross Baldwin, what the ****? Are you really just that dumb?
Yes, I'll use your real name. Because I straight up don't give a ****.

I hope everyone you know finds this, and I hope that they see
Just how badly you ****** up. I'm tired of letting you be.

This is my passive attack. ***** me again and I'll make sure they find this.
You're my best friend and I'm not taking this ****. I'm tired and I'm ******.

If you leave your fiance for her, you better run and hide.
Because I'll pay everything back. You'll burn for every time you two lied.

Dear God, I feel so empty; hopelessly lost.
Despite my promises, I've become who I'm not.

What is it that You want? Why can't I stop being in pain?
I can't even hold a girl's hand without fear of hurting again.

I feel the darkness rising. Rising up to meet this threat.
The threat of being alone. The feeling of being dead.

I can't stop wishing for them to hurt as badly as I.
And it wouldn't even take much. I wouldn't have to lie.

Just throw the truth out there to all who don't know.
That he's a cheating *******, and she's just his *****.

Yet still, they're my best friends. Even being as ****** as I am.
I can't see them any more positively. But still, they're my friends.

I want them to hurt like I do. I want for them to understand.
I want them to know how I feel. And they will, by my hand.

I asked for someone I could love. Someone to hold dear.
Someone to help me rise above. To remind me that You're here.

I wanted someone that I could make happy. I wanted somebody new.
I wanted a love that was fresh. I wanted a love based around You.

And well.. We'll work on that last part. All things in due time.
I feel privileged to be writing with pleasure woven into the rhymes.

Is this what I've waited for? Is this the answer to my prayers?
Are You finally allowing me to not be alone? I've been so scared..

Scared of myself. Scared of the world. I've been so confused.
But now there is no fear. I sit and write, knowing there's no more abuse.

And I am holding onto you until I crash into the ground.
Knowing You'll never let me go; never let me down.

I'm listening with my heart. I can feel your love from my cross.
And it cleanses all of this pain. I'm finally home in Your arms..

Why have I not fought? Why do I just keep giving up?
Just writing it off as though it'll never work out. My bad luck.

I'm tired if sitting idly by. Tired of this passive approach.
Tonight I am done hiding. I'm through with being alone.

I'll fight for whatever comes my way. Time to take a stand.
I WILL NOT sit in the darkness. I'm taking my light back.

I don't care how hard I fight or how many times I fail.
I'm done with not even trying in the simplest of ways.

I'm taking my heart back. My strength is a virtue.
It's something I've held dear. And I know my strength is true.

I'm not gonna hide anymore. It's just not me.
I'm throwing away the chains. Time to fight to be free.

Free from mental burdens. From my imagination.
This phoenix rises in flame. And casts away all damnation.