Every time I look at her, I think back to that night on the stage
When we stood there for an hour with a kiss that felt like days.

I remember the nights in my car. Most especially one..
When she told me she felt something too. I didn't feel so dumb..

But it seems she feels more for him than she ever will for me.
My best friend. And now I feel like I'm running away.

I'm not sure I can accept my decision. The one to let her go.
I know we both agreed to. But somehow, I still just don't know..

It's not like it matters. I could never have her anyway.
She has too many issues to work out. And I can't just sit and wait.

I'm doing it again. Being snippy; turning into a ****.
And I really don't want to. I hate treating her like dirt.

But is it really so simple? Can I really just take my words back?
Should I tell him to get over it? Should I fight for something at last?

This fight will not be fought. We know who would win.
I know I would lose. And we may no longer be friends.

It's always you and her. I just happen to be there.
I know that's not what you want. I know that you two care.

You'd rather just be with her. She'd rather just be with you.
I just happen to be there. Everyone knows it's true.

She picked you already. She'd only ever SETTLE for me.
So before I **** anything up, I think I should flee.

I'm afraid to speak my mind; tell you to back off.
Tell you it bothers me when you two don't stop.

I don't know why I ever let myself care. Why I let this happen.
I knew it wouldn't go anywhere. Not even as a backup.

Only a couple more weeks, and I can just be gone.
I don't have to be a third wheel. I won't have to just watch.

Every time I'm happy, it dies right away.
It never seems to last for more than a few days.

But I've fought so hard. And I've given so much.
I just long for some peace. Long for Your touch.

God, what must I do? What else is there to prove?
Have I not shown I will not fade and never be moved?

My faith has grown weak, but I still trust in You.
And I'll follow along Your path, if You tell me what to do.

It's not my plan. It never truly was. It was always Yours.
I know what I want. But I also know what You want more...

I rise and I fall. I don't know how much more I can take.
Hot and cold. But I know my love and faith will never be fake.

I leave this with You. I know what I want.
But it's ultimately Your plan. You know how much I've fought.

Inch by inch, the mask returns.
With each passing day, a stronger fire burns.

I almost don't care if I ever come back.
If the monster never dies; if I ever become Matt.

I'm just tired of hurting people. Tired of killing myself.
Tired of people who don't care. I just need some help.

I don't like using you. I actually happen to like you.
Yes, I was lying every single time I said it wasn't true.

Every "meaningless" kiss, I felt something you do not.
When you're around, I'm alright; away, I'm lost.

I'm not sure how to fix it. I just want us to be friends.
I have too many feelings you don't. And I want that to end.

But should I even let you know? Should I keep it to myself?
Not sure what to do. I just know I need some help...

The floodgates have broken free. I am not who I was.
With darkness and rage spilling forth, I've forgotten how to love.

Every emotion feels wrong. As if they don't belong to my heart.
I feel a monster rising within. And it means to split me apart.

Calm and serene. That was always my goal.
But they drift farther away, as I become more unwhole.

Every little spark ignites into a roaring flame.
How do I put it out? Will I ever be the same?

People have become objects to me. Even most of my friends.
And I just use and abuse them. I wish I could see an end.

"I don't like her", "I can get over you", echo in my mind.
I pretend it's untrue... And I wish I could understand why.

Forever gone, the lights have left my eyes. I feel I have died.
And the feeling grows stronger with every new echoing lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I feel like that was a mistake..
To stir up all that ****, and to promptly run away.

Maybe I was a little hasty; should've given it more thought.
Maybe I should've remembered the past; all the lessons it taught.

But do I reach out and admit it? Or continue on as is...
Do I ask you for help? Or keep struggling within....

How do I tell the others that I've pushed you out and hidden?
They'd know it was a bad idea without knowing any of what I've written.

Can I even say I'm sorry, confused, lost, and need help?
I'm not sure I can even admit it to you. Much less, to myself.

I want to be ten feet tall and bullet proof. But deep down, I know I can't.
I want to be a testament to His love and mercy. Deep down, I feel I can't.

Help? Please? I know that I was wrong. I didn't need to go..
I'm just so confused. But I know you can help. And that's all I need to know.

Running away feels wrong. Like I've given up without a fight.
But it makes it feel okay. Being gone makes it feel right.

I hate to disappear, when I know we could have been okay.
But I couldn't take the pain I was feeling every single day.

I'm sorry I left you hanging. Tossed you out to dry.
But I just keep growing weaker, and I know you're why.

I don't know that I'll ever be good enough to be your friend.
But I so desperately hope that this night is not our end.

I lay here, praying to God, looking for some help
I just want to be okay. Just dig out of this Hell.

I gotta let you go. I can't love you anymore.
I'm not strong enough. Tonight, I close the door.

I hated starting that fight. And I hate to run and hide.
I'm sorry. I love you. And again, I'll say goodbye....