It's hard to accept
and harder to admit
but I do a lot of things
that don't make sense.

I'm often asked why
because people don't get it.
But there's not much to get,
it's just how I like to live it.

I take the long way home
just to see the view,
I waste gas and drive for hours
just to feel brand new.

I'll drive two miles more
and pass three stores on the way
because the fourth one is my favorite
and those people make my day.

I spend money and time
on what most people avoid,
but I do things however
they can be most enjoyed.

Soaring high up in the sky with its fiery wings;
Traces of crimson ashes falls as it glades forming rings.
With a shrieking cry that calls upon the land;
The ground will tremble, illuminating the darkness beyond.

An immortal cycle this mighty bird journeys on,
A burning passion, a virtue that only among the brave belongs.
How can one maintain such pain? Burning endlessly through eternity,
Was it a gift or a curse? Or perhaps an order that only knows by the almighty.

Legend has it that this bird lives on forever that it can never die,
From the ashes it may for a moment belong, then soon rise, revived by fire.
Scorching, burning like the eternal sun as it soars once again.
Offering warmth with it's infernal embrace, while the blazing remains.

This is what I know of the mythical phoenix.
As precious and old like those ancient relics,
A myth that symbolizes now bravery and hope
That one must stand back up against any fall.

I have a hole inside my heart
A hole that's shaped like you
A hole so big I feel it ache
Every time I move

At first I didn't notice
I thought my heart was strong
I figured I was happy
Even though you were long gone

Physically I felt okay
Though my soul was torn apart
I pretended everything was fine
And I even played the part

I lived my life from day to day
In a cheerful, up beat manner
I was caught up in a world of firsts
And got lost in all the glamour

But as soon as I got home again
My heart began to crumble
Slowly it got worse and worse
So bad it made me stumble

Stumble over every thought that drove us both away
I wondered if I'd ever feel
Or love again someday

So now I live looking for a piece that will fit inside the hole
Anything that will complete my hollow little soul

Ideally you would mend me
By coming home to stay
But fantasies are empty dreams that keep despair at bay

I know that you are happy now
And I'm just a distant thought
The only thing I do regret is that I never fought

If you ever think of me
Remember that I tried
To give you all the love and joy
That a woman can provide

I loved you then
I love you now
And tomorrow is uncertain
The hole might grow or disappear but you will never be forgotten

To question you is to question gravity
you are the force in the very center of me

my thoughts, my anger, my bliss
is in every moment we create and miss

i pick up a bow, and shoot towards your heart
but every which way you dodge it

for you are not moving away from my ****
you are giving me obstacles
to experience life as it is

it is difficult and rough
and as we travel together

we must be alone to enjoy company alass
we must feel hatred and pain to enjoy paradise

for our love is a journey of lost and found
dodging
suffering
traveling
wondering
experiencing
just being

a few months ago,
you asked me: "What is love?"
As you can see,
it had taken me a long time to understand the question myself,
but I think I've finally come up with an answer.
Unfortunately,
the English language
has only one word to describe something that has limitless interpretations.
In Greek,
there are three words for the three basic types of love.
Eros;
lust.
This type of love
is when you find yourself doodling their name
on the inside of your history textbook,
dotting the I's with hearts
as if you are 13 again and you were just asked on your first date.
You chose that textbook
because it will be the only place no one would ever think to look.
You think about everything you would be far too shy to say or act in person,
making out in the back of a movie theatre
not caring who would walk past,
sneaking off away from your friends just to have two measly moments of what you both call "peace."
Most often,
this type of love is encased in "I love you"
only to obtain a certain goal.
Virginty,
a picture,
or even just one more night
of having them in your arms.
Eros is not authentic,
it is emphemeral.
Phileo;
Brotherly Love.
The friend you would drop anything for in a heartbeat to make sure of their wellbeing,
but also the neighbor you see from time to time watering their garden.
They ask you
to tend to their garden while they are away,
and you do it
even though you've never spoken more than a paragraph to the man
because it is what you believe is right.
This type of love is the devotion of time and energy without any promise of compensation in return,
purely out of the good of heart.
Phileo lasts as long as the people do.
The final type of love
is Agape;
unconditional love.
In religion,
we are guided
or pushed
towards showing this type of love towards the diety.
Yet, very rarely
it is shown towards a human being.
Unconditional love
is the ability to say so much with only uttering a single word.
I have experienced this love,
it is great pain
and great sadness
but the feelings of pain will never leave my lips
in case they are transferred to the person i wish to have the least pain.
This kind of love
is when it is not only enough that you think about them every waking moment but every slumber-filled one as well. You have hung up your needs at the front door along with the key to your heart and devoted yourself entirely to them,
even if they don't reciprocate.
They have been adopted by your body and taken the form of a vital *****.
If you do not
pay absolute attention
to them at all times
you will run into many problems.
You need to keep them running smoothly in order to stay alive and healthy,
because without them you are nothing.
You are a sorry sack of bones with a beating heart with no purpose.
Unconditional love is taking all the lessons you have ever learned
all the rights and wrongs you have finally learned the difference between and throwing them out the window.
It is the thin line between sanity and insanity,
heaven and hell,
and safety and danger.
You walk the rope
from building to building
without the promise of a net.
Unconditional love
is authentic,
but not emphemeral.
((Love *****, don't do it.))