sometimes i cry
but other times i laugh
the laughs arent real
but a disguise
to hide the pain


oh the pain youve
doused me in
it stings
it burns
it bruises
it pulls the life from me

remember that little girl who was always smiling?
shes gone
with the smile fading
more and more each and everyday

people ask
"how could you live likes this?"
i dont answer
because itd be like her
suicide


ive been grieving now for three years
and still havent found
closure
closure is not
easy to find
closure is buried in a chest somewhere
somewhere i will never find it
i promised myself, my family, my friends
if i somehow found it i would
take it and use it for the good

so sometimes you just gotta live life
and cry, laugh, sing
do whatever you can to find this so called
"closure"

Trust me when I tell you its time to go,
Listen to me as I'm screaming at you,
It's not that I don't love you,
I demand that we survive,
Love is the only thing we have to share,
And teach,
We're needed,
Others don't know of this,
We have to show them,
We have to remain calm,
Frantic is everyone else,
Stop crawling through possessions,
Move, move with me,
Run for the hills my love,
I'm behind you,
I'm pushing and pulling and struggling to keep up,
And ahead,
Hold my hand as I climb ever-higher,
Continue breathing,
Life doesn't end here,
It keeps going if we allow,
Higher and higher,
Until at last we take deep breaths,
And wipe the sweat away.

And slowly closing eyes,
And slowly closing eyes
Painted behind temples,
Smathered colors upon white and inviting canvess,
Monastic Lisa and her friends,
Filling mosaic and print,
Surety of smile,
A thousand nothings to do,
Weeping a single tear,
Causing heavy paint to elude.

Everything I said,
Was from fear of the stake,
Purity and plainess,
A radical simplification,
Not living or loving,
I wouldn't have missed you,
For the world,
Never to my god,
Than these things.

Sure dreams are cool,
Let's meet in some faraway mystical place,
Let's embrace in airports baggage claim,
And pretend that this is the way it is supposed to happen,
Let us say hello and goodbye in opening sentences, 'Sorry I must go...soon',
How about a few days in my life?
Spent like wasted money and time,
9 days of double-shifts and coming home to grab 4 hours of sleep and imagining you beside me,
To give me a reason to keep going,
When all I really want is an eternal kiss and permission to say 'Gnight'. To sleep forever. To leap from a mountain, and turn into a bird before the ground reaches me, and rise on the winds.

Someone has been logging in under different peoples names and posting a lot of trash. They've even been stealing other peoples work and twisting it and claiming it as their own. They've even sent comments under my name that I didn't make. Be careful.

Some days I feel young
Some days I feel old
Some days I feel shy
Some days I feel bold
Some days I strive to be my best
Some days I feel like life is a test
Some days go good
Some days go bad
Some days I'm happy
Some days I'm sad
Some days I even get mad
Some days I cry
Some days I sing
I will wait to see what today will bring