kiss me please.
kiss me hard.
let it leave
a mark, a scar.
let it burn and be a star.
kiss me please
and leave me charred.

I'm not so far away
as to miss it when you say
the way you feel.
i'll listen
and i'll pray
that it's real,
and steal a kiss
so that we may pay
only attention
to the tension between
our blue pools
atop mountains,
bringing them both
to the valley
to meet in the middle
and make up the sea.

kiss me.

Stop
Laughing like that.
you sound **A bit
Pathetic.

Hide that smile.
hIde that frown.
Thank your lucky stars.

Steam from the shower
Clears the mind and
Reveals the
mArks left behind
because I am Too fair or
should I say Caucasian
looking, Hispanic
doesn't comE
acrosS clearly like the mind.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to
Everyone but me
becAuse I never got
anywheRe on my own.

Here lies the secret,
Eat it like dessert:
All of this has been done before
Little doesn't even come close to describing me.

Melt into movement
Ease into enjoyment
kNeel into knowing
Drown in deliverance.

Scratch.
Cover.
Again.
Repeat.

We sipped boulder rock from refrigerators doors
and watched the heavens hand out food stamps with IBM logos.
“ode to Mehmet” we sang, and licked the Mossberg—
fixating on the blue collar philosophy that lived in our empty wallets.

Trash cans filled with water bottles stared at us to find our essence—
the one we had lost while being fed quintessential American idioms
in state-of-the-art classrooms sponsored by slaves and Popol Vuh blood.

Six million years of human existence trivialized down to a single sentence—
* Man loved God, man wrote, man conquered God, and now man loves science* —
scribbled on SmartBoards afforded by fire burning from Prometheus’ female liver.

Trees sing with oxygen no more for the sake of making paper,
and eyes soak in the words on paper for the sake of making paper.
Trees make the avenue but the future holds an Avenue of no trees—
… for in the land of the free, anything but freedom ain’t free.

Tear drop
Fall down
Stare at
The ground

Broken mirror
Wavering
Expectation
Quavering

Shattered reflection
In your eyes
Such disappointment
Isn’t wise

Forgotten dream
Lost in the light
Another day
Another fight

They watch so rapt
With empty eyes
Shards of bright hope
So many lies

Are you so blind?
Can you not see?

Be on your way
You don’t know me

The
worst
time to
have an
existential
crisis is when
you're home, broke
and out of cigarettes.
The smoke can still my
mind and it can clean my
soul. It's funny, the cleaner,
the more sober I get the dirtier
I feel. I think it's because
in these sober moments
I learn more about the
crystal I sniff into my
nose and I learn
more about
myself
and I
learn
more
about
the
world.

She's a girl and you're a man,
A man not a boy,
When you said she was entertaining did you mean only like a toy? A toy you can just play, break and throw away?
She's confused.
Maybe you're just busy with life while she's still just growing up, my God you're old enough to have a wife.
She's confused.
One great night,
Maybe that's all it was and she should just accept it.
If it was up to her she could forget it.
The age difference is killing her and the mixed signals are willing her, to do what?
Keep trying, give up?
She doesn't know.
She doesn't want to.
Yes she does.
She's lost.
The girl is lost and confused, but what about the man?
Tell me _ , what about you?
Do you feel the way I do?
When you said you loved me I thought it was a joke,
But was it true?
I'm confused.
I haven't known you long but it feels like forever to me,
Forever.
How can one night be forever?
Is it worth it to endeavor?
Or just to wonder if I'll ever,
Ever be good enough
I ask myself in vain.
Either way I know ends with pain, that much I am sure.
Living so far away, having a difference in age,
Is true love even a cure?
It should be.
It could be.
Maybe I wish it would be.
I'm confused.
I'm lost.
I've been through a lot.
I'm still waking up in hopes that it was just a dream.
A dream or a nightmare?
I can't recall.
If I took a risk could I lose it all?
Would that help?
Losing it all?
Maybe I'm being stupid,
Compared to this "problem" I feel so small.
I must be diluted
To just fall.
To fall so hard.
Staring at this wall maybe I'll get away?
Get away and forget the day,
Forget the time I was confused and lost.
How long until I just exhaust?
Love, it comes at too high a cost.
I'm confused and lost
Lost in my thoughts.
I don't cry easily but maybe it's time
I once heard a friend of mine say "Crying only means you've been too strong for too long"
Too late, I'm gone, so far gone
Lost in my thoughts, gone, unending as it seems
Somehow I'll survive, I'll figure out what exactly God's test means.
In the future I'll hopefully be, no, know I will be
The girl who was once confused, once lost
The one that became a woman
After she defined lost and beat the cost.
The cost of love.

And i am angry,
i am scared,
i sleep in the despair of a prisoner,
in chains,
placed behind thick metal,

and i watch you lips move,
and i nod my head to acknowledge,
all the things you've said
to nod in response,

you continue on citing the injustice,
and you are so clearly justified,
but im hiding me now,

send your troops,
throw your deceiving hand grenades,
AT the way i live my life,
as I make plans to escape,
but i cant hold it,
my hurt my sorrow,
as you sling your words of poisonous hate,
you shake your head, you close your eyes,
im hesitating my hand it grip the door,

I know you. I know you well.
I know you in some ways more then i could ever know me.
I know the sting of your cancerous disease,
the bitterness that kills,
i know the stupor you drive yourself to,
I to forget,
if you only you weren't able to remember.

I run my hands over the scars,
remembering the pain,
scars you gave me,
yet never forgiven or forgotten,
I know the crevices of your heart,
ive seen the trenches of your despair,

I know the why's ,
I have felt the hows,

and when I leave I will take with me the something you never had,
you'll never have,
me.


I am running now.

This is the life of the living,
it's  the price i pay,
states, towns, rivers,
and canyons divide us,
but your breath is on my shoulder,
you blow hot air.

You’ll realize when its too late
how you wish you could change your fate
But now your death bed
is a set date.

Empty room
Empty heart
I just wanna go back to the start
the start of it all
the walk before the fall
Beginning before the end
When
when will it end
The hurt
before being put in the dirt
before dirt is all i know
I mean c'mon we all know this is a show
for all the foes
and the hoes
who dared
dared to doubt my creativity
To suffer your insensitivity
to my insecurities
because when you're in your thirties
I'll be in my prime
while you wont be able to drop a dime
for the shattered
dreams wasted
seams burned
hate overturned
only crushed dreams
left for you, never me