Trickle down
Turn around
Sweaty hands hide
Inside deep pockets
Curled around a wisp of hope
Soft heart beats
Plodding feet
Eyes may stare down
But this winter breeze
Carries a soul adrift
In a dreaming world
Sleeping world
Beneath the wildest imagining
Whirling
Twirling
A mindless dance
A baseless plea
…
I will never be anything
More than just me
It’s true:
Afraid to ask
If that could ever
Be enough for you

crawl up my skin, sit here beside me,
will you listen?
listen to my heart break,
listen to the sad songs I'm still trying to write.

just stop,
here.
be here.
with me,
turn off the thoughts of you just for a moment,
and listen to me,
I stop for you,
and the world will spin without your finger tips pressed to plastic,

Gosh,
I am screaming in this silence,
I filled this canyon with thoughts of you,

I defense.. I mean I defend. for you, I do.
I put it away,
and I shove it all down,
saying I am fine,
wish you put up a hand,
to find mine,
and we're laying in the dark now,
I've forgotten how to speak,
and there is time but I am weak,
you haven't tended to me.

but I've quieted these demons,
heart,
I've pushed me aside,
"I always value your life over mine"

Ready for liftoff?
Where are your keys?
Where is your mind?
Why don't you remember?

and she  breaks me down,
with consistency her ,
and I chose the path of weakness,
I fought so hard for love,
not meant for me,
and I struggled against the marriage of  insecurities in my reality.
_________________­___

and this truth lays,
between us,
like the valley of the dead,
whose dreams have withered up and died.
__________________­__

I get lost in you're memory,
as I think,
I wrap your love around me,
closer than my skin,
and there are tears,
till all I have left is a d.u.l.l. ache.
Only remembering loss,
blindsided by the raging emotion,
and damage wrought to an unprotected heart.

I sit alone; insecure and silent.
I am not who I want to be.
My fingers tremble, empty and frightened,
The world surrounding seems worry-free.

And I feel cold and lost and unnoticed;
This is not how I wish to live.
Trapped by their confidence- my enemy,
I feel I have no good to give.

Joy and laughter is what I see: but me,
I am unhappy with my life.
Haunted by abuse, panic and anger,
My soul's one friend is blood and knife.

What can I confess? I love her and that will never change.
I've tried. Nothing works. There is no way to push it out.
It will not be defeated. It is an unbeatable love. An immovable force.
It will not be controlled, it cannot be told where to go.
It simply is, and will never cease to be.

Rest cannot be obtained by mere sleep.
Refuge is a distant memory.
Your steps become nothing more than the distance between you and her.
Everything is her. Nothing is not about her.
Laughter is only a reminder of the type of innocent happiness you feel
When she's standing next to you.
Smiling faces are always a prelude to the glowing memory of hers.
No thought is had that isn't in some way connected to her.

The sun seems dim in comparison to the fire this love embodies.
It is otherworldly. It is unfathomable.
It is that brightness which cannot be perceived with the eyes or
Conceived in the body, but merely felt with the soul.
You see it more clearly through the amplification of tears,
Behind the cracks of the heart.

You work. You play. You sleep. You eat.
And nothing fulfills. Nothing satisfies the soul.

Your future is behind you.
And she stands there, grinning, waiting on you to remember her, reminding  you to forget.

But I will not give up on her. It is not in me to let go of this love.

Our destiny is written in the stars. Our happy ending imprinted in my heart.

"and I am hurt,
I am pain,
the only thing I remember is your name,

there are moments I remember ,
snap shots, re-winded and reviewed,
stretched out through time,
and pour them out,
through my mind,

I am a mess of raw parts,
and bruised bones,
its overpowering my senses,
I repeat all the lines,
but you grew a garden in my mind,
you send me back there with just a look,

and in this moment,
I remember,
the heat under your stare,
I mutter things like I don't care,

heart you are of no use to me,
I want to lock you away,
and put you in repair,

o yes I remember the strength of your stare.