You have a new favorite
and I'm not even the next best thing anymore

I don't believe in consequences
and the sky has been crying for days

And I keep having someday dreams
and someday never comes,
it's just a story my hand can't stop scribbling down on paper

I don't believe that dreams come true
and I don't believe in someday dreams
and I don't believe in consequences
and I don't believe in meaningless things

My affection and attention was tasted
and wasted
and now I'm wasted all the time
always in more way than one.

I used to think I was afraid of being touched.

Now I realize,
I've always just been afraid of the coldness
made by hands leaving my skin

I sleep comfortably on
rock bottom
because it's a solid foundation
and I will build castles upon it
until I'm sleeping
...soaking wet in the clouds.

Standing tall
in a corner
that doesn't exist
at all

(So why should I bother brandishing my arms around
to get your attention?)

I used to perform rituals of loneliness
as I danced around a clock
Counting my steps until midnight
My footprints fit into minutes

But time stopped around mid-day
while the sun was at its peak
With your hand in my pocket
I'll give it no room for air
...I'll give it no room to breathe

and the bottom layer, against my bones knows
that it's been a long time since I've anxiously awaited someone's response.

I always drop off,
maybe I jump.
All I know is that my cheek is forever grazing the pavement.

I never know if I jump or if I'm pushed.

Maybe because I can't feel anything all anymore.

and the harmless always skewer me with their words or
with their silent hearts.

and I try to decide if the red water I see is always blood
or if I'm just dreaming all the time.

It's been awhile since I've met a human that's not a stranger.
I'm forever a stranger.
I'm stranger than I even understand.

I'm not good at affection
But I've heard it's a skill worth learning
So maybe I'll do some exercises
because practice makes perfect

Give some hugs
Look at eyes
Give some love
Say some highs

Then I remember;
It takes two to ****.

If I
freeze time
nothing can
happen, nothing
wrong, nothing
bad, nothing
good, nothing

strong.

One of us had to change
I took the high road
You did too
Which I find strange

But
Now I guess we'll wait
for a compromise
or one of us
to change back

Hopefully this time
it's only one.

Buried next to me,
your head soaking wet in the clouds
thrash it near and far
until it rains on my brains
splattered on the sidewalk
too far from the stars

I'm haunted by the ghost I used to be.

My phantom soul lingers around corners,
and is hiding in the even darker corners of my zombie brain
constantly yearning for more and more brains.

And each day that I age,
the person I used to be seems better and better.

It's a song to end the night with...
It's a song to end the fight with...
It's a song to end a life with...
It's a song to start a flight with.

Everyone loves hearts,
but I'm prone to losing things
and to breaking things.
So you probably shouldn't give me yours

If I'm feeling it now
Much at all
If I've felt it before
If I've felt it at all
If I will feel it soon
If I will see that bittersweet moon
If I will die alone and
If it is shown that
I don't know anything on my own.

You tried leaning on me
when I was already falling down

and that negative sign never disappears.
It's forever tugging down my spine,
drilling me beneath the pavement.

and I'll hold my neck up straight and tall,
but my vertebrae only stretch so far.
Free me from my haunting enslavement.

Make room between the gaps.

I wish everybody spoke a language foreign to me,
That way my understanding wouldn't be biased by words
and I would speak only with my body
and listen to the beautiful melody of tongues

What's that mess on the floor?


It's the ink from my pen


Well what did you spill it for?


I didn't. You did.


No I didn't.


If you hadn't spilled the ink from my heart, I wouldn't have held the pen in the first place, and nothing would have fallen apart.

Always an ex
Never a lover.

The rain taps it's fingernails
on my window
to remind me that living things
are still growing

In the end,
it all comes down to the fact
that I'd rather be a ghost than an angel

I spend so much time
convincing people that
the sun exists,
that I didn't have any
time to convince myself
that there's still
daylight at this time
of morning.

Your words are a dagger that pierce through my skin
your feelings eat at my brain
My feelings reside in the knife in my hand
that I use to feed the hole that speaks in my chest
I removed it and did my best to sew the seems
but my stitching is messy and crooked
If you lift up my shirt you will see that the mouth is still there
it's teeth will grit and bear
A smile is never fair
but as long as you can see it's teeth
I will say it's a grin for now.

I'm a dark horse, shining bright black;
not confident about my silent and unsuccessful deathly attack.
I know I'm out of wack and disturbing.
Come back and engulf yourself in my misery.
Be dizzy for me and be unaware of where you are anymore.
Make me your least favorite chore. Make me your dishes.
Fulfill my wishes that I can't even articulate to you.
Be my hue of indigo blue and continue to do what you so desperately don't want to.

I've never been a front and center dancer,
but my childhood reveries want me to be a star.
But instead I'm stuck sitting in a bar counting my internal scars;
like notches on the bedpost you imagine holding up your mattress on the floor.
I wish I could simply coast like everyone else,
but instead I exist only as a transparent ghost tentatively listening to everyone boast about how humble they are.
No one is a star and I can't even see a path to go far anymore.

So turn down my music and witness me slowly lose it until there's nothing left to lose anymore.
All that will be left is my protected core, naked and vulnerable.
I'm the bull forced to fight and you're my matador.
I wish the door to my heart wasn't permanently unlocked.
I wish you would knock on my mock turtle heart that you can somehow touch while we're miles apart.
I wish I didn't exist only at the start.

I won't say you broke my heart because I never had one to begin with
but you ripped me apart,
limb by limb

Actually,
I would prefer that tearing and snapping
to what what was real

I stare at the ceiling
I don't count sheep
I count the number
of letters in your name

I close my eyes
and continue to creep
because it's quiet and I can see
nothing but the insides
of my eyelids and my mind

So I open my eyes, but I put this blanket on my face
and I try not imagine things as I try to sink deep
into my meditative process
but I still can see the letters in your name

1
2
3
4
5

I lay awake and have nightmares
They sing me to sleep.

We're only bodies
with pacing limbs
exempt from all our racing sins.

My skin tingles...
because my heart races
when it hears you say
I don't care to know how much you care

It tingles
when my heart races in an attempt to stay quiet

Everything tingles
when it's forced to stay quiet
because you refuse to hear its beats

His heart hits me like a harsh hush.
His heart hits me like his honest hands.

We didn't applaud for the performance in front of us
Because that would mean letting go of what we held onto
So we sat in silent appreciation
Not only for the show,
but for the moment we lived in that was real.

Not out of addiction,
     just out of boredom.

I'm taking it into me.
I'm taking it in.

I learned to love rain again.
     it can't stop me now.

Not even in the hall of my love;
     the mighty mountain king.

It's pretty **** human,
It's filled with **** pretty humans.

Sometimes I forget
that things make
sense, sometimes

I never see the end
until I'm tripping over it.

When tomorrow can start whenever
you want it to,
it's the time to be free.
While the clocks stop ticking,
related things do their jobs
and go to work,
to keep the current rolling.
"I heard the captain say"
to just keep going.
The waves will pick the pieces up
and twist them all around.
Take non-existing moments
and organize them
because tomorrow can start
whenever I want it to.

My heart is a suggestion box
and you've filled it to the top.

All I need is someone to be lonely with,
So come be lonely with me,
We'll live in Alonedom together.

Don't chase after the wild things,
for they run the fastest.

That bobbin' buzz
kills me.

But I'm still buzzin'.

If jealousy is ugly then so am I.

Spitting out blood
from my tongue
in which I've been biting
this whole **** time.

Does it taste alright
to you?

I often think
about the angel that laid upon the tracks
knowing that in ten seconds
everything will be over.

Love me to pieces
and put me back together

I'll love you to dust
and vacuum you up

Nothing quite like the night
when the sun is so bright
that it's white.

I won't come crawling back,
my knees are ***** enough as it is

The only person
in a crowded room
of friends.

1 Heart:

Gently used,
Never opened
Slightly torn

I'm always
turning the wrong nozzle,
looking for heat.