the day came,
I put my laces back
in my shoes.

Let freedom reign,
give me just
3 clues.

True blue, darling.
You sang these songs
4 years ago.

Why I waited until
now to listen,
is beyond me,
myself, and I.

The day came,
the day went.
Days spent with
rubber-bands
over mt asics.

The circle-spiral
across my chest,
in the shape of a
beautiful
orange sun.

Shower-shoes
for my water
quest.
Barcode number read
7097277340-8769
laser-band,
laser-tag,
all of my clothes
in a brown paper bag.

Just when I thought I
sipped liquid gold,
I remember there is
velcro shoes that
strap tighter
around my feet.

I skipped, I galloped,
I stripped, I tripped.

I'm sorry Mom & Dad,
will you forgive your
baby girl?

I looked for a corner,
somewhere quiet in the library.
how exciting, an e-mail with opportunities
from a professor who cares.
i want it, but I can't help but
feel a little sad,
wherever you are dad.
tough love.
scrunchies, a book of matches,
and crumbs from crackers
sit in my pockets.
laundry basket, mile high
way past the brim.
i wasn't kidding when I said
you'd find a bottle of whiskey
hiding in there.
and all I wanna do is get through
college, I think.
I want to be a strong woman,
for now,
a young lady.
flash-backs to all the fun times.
my hand writing drifts
in shapes
to the sound of
a music box.
the curtains created
pretty shadows that
danced upon my arms.
I tried to be cool,
reading the newspaper.
I wanted to look
oh, so serious.
I am a joker.
I am your equal.
Yeah, salty dog?
Which aspect?
Can I say these things in poems?
I read the words,
why can't I marry my cousin?
these things keep me from
my sleep.
sweet dreams, candy-man.
oh, canyon creek,
where shall I go?
a mind hole?
a gold mine in the
gutter of my mind?
blind.
thanks Conor,
for the milk thistle.
is it fair to choose what
we want to hear?
did they know that 2013
would be so strange?
Professor Coker
wants something typed,
******* i gotta go pick up my bike.

Leafless trees hover the the sidewalks,
leading to places that I should,
and should not be.
Between you and me,
you see me much easier,
than I seem to see you.

I can play the part,
when I choose to.
But can you not tell,
I would prefer to climb these
tree limbs, rather than walk
beneath.

I reckon you would choose,
to bequeath to me the ability,
to walk tall, when I feel so childish,
and so small.

As fruit flies flood my bedroom,
I flee the scene, hoping not to be
seen.

I am afraid I live in a town,
that I am far too unfamiliar with.
I'm running out of hiding places.

I know this feeling must be temporary,
but is this just a test?
For now, I suppose I am meant to
just digress.

Oh, but how pretty the autumn is,
how exiting it is to see the sky change
from clear to night.
I choose to wait.
Let my fate find me,
because you cannot,
and trust me when I say,
CANNOT,
fight fate,
my dear.

I can run, and I can hide.
Try to find me, you may
get lucky.
Knock on my door,
that is where you will
find me.

And when boredom strikes my mind,
I will look out the window.
Don't think I never saw you there,
you knew exactly where I was.
I'm sure it wasn't hard to spot a
naked gal front & center of a dimly lit
bedroom of a well-known building.

You spied with your little eyes,
and I fled the scene.
Too bad you couldn't wait,
just a moment longer.
You would have seen me,
standing there.

I swear, if time passes
and turns into a year,
what the hell do you want
from me?

In all honesty,
I've made amends to all
the men from my past.
Well, except for one.
My biological father.
but he doesn't matter,
anyway.

But can you not tell?
Can you not see?
My heart is bleeding blue.
True, deep, dark,
blue.
I promise I will
never **** the life
from you.

Hot cross buns,
one a penny,
two a penny,
darling, please.

You can't knock it,
no, not ever!
Not until you try it!
Treat me like a lady,
kiss me on my hand.

For now, I glance out every
secret window
of this spooky
ghost town.
I suppose I will learn
to settle.
But I beg,
find me hiding.
One of these nights, I'll be
somewhere similar to a sanctuary.

I rode to the cemetery,
this Sunday morning.
I chained my bike to
the last log of the labyrinth.
I danced softly in the
center.

I walked up that hill,
while cars passed for
a burial service.
I wondered if I was rude,
not dressed like everyone
else, dressed in black.
I was afraid they could
tell, that I was looking
for names.

I hated feeling watched.
Even earlier when
I sat at the bar
of a diner for breakfast.

I kept to myself,
smiled to strangers,
so they knew that I
was friendly.

Could they tell that
I was hurting?
Could they sense
my quench of
thirst?

As I look too see,
and raise my head,
the corn rows are
to the right.

To the left,
a distant barn pillar.

The last time I felt
this way was six months
ago, or so.

In the month of April,
the Spring breeze
was there the ease my head.
I slept in the sunshine at
the top of the graveyard hill.
There next to me, a gentle,
wandering soul.

As I look to my right again,
barbed-wires keep
me from the corn.

This bench that I rest my body on,
engraved where my langley-legs
drape the edge,
"KEEP SEARCHING FOR A HEART OF GOLD."
In a handwriting that was too
familiar.

This shoots my compass magnet
North, South, East, and West.
19 years later, an Autumn
Breeze sways my way.

Sometimes the sun sets
when I am restless.
Other times, I will not rest
until the sun rises.

When I saw the name Ripley,
to the right was Bliss.
Behind the bush of pink flowers,
a rose bush I could only hope,
I did see the name Shannon.

I saw Melvin near Cahill.
I saw Hutchins, Tobin, and
Soloman.
I saw Thomas, Owen, Jones,
Donahue, and Roberts.

I searched for the names
that called to me.
They thanked me, they
apologized, and I did
likewise.

I searched for a name
like mine, and then
fell in love with the name I
was given.

As the burial service continued,
I followed the bits of grass-path
and gravel road, back towards
the labyrinth.

I am fire,
here to shine,
here to give warmth
to those who need it.
And one day, I too,
shall burn to ashes.

If they must, they might
try to simmer the flame.

Colorado forest fires
are a natural way to give
the Rockies a chance
to resurface.

And yes, my eyes have traveled
from stars to soil,
and now my eyes are set towards the
Himalayan, East.

I was always told to carry on, don't look behind at your past.
But you also told me to watch my back.
I can't help but be teased by my past, when I'm constantly watching my back.

A few told me to not question, "why?"
and well, again I repeat myself, but, why?
why is what gave me the answer to whom my real father is.
why is the demon that lives within the five Ws.
Who? What? Where? When? Why?
or so it seems that some teachers and ivy league schools would like replace "Why" with "How."

oh, wretched fools.
you can not erase this word from the world that I live in.
not today, not tomorrow, never.
and let us remember, it is the fool that sleeps.
and although I adore my precious slumber,
where I dream like no other,
wake me. shake me. shatter and break me.
free me from my dreamland prison.

watch me strike. hear me scream. you call me crazy?
well it's true, I haven't gotten much sleep these days.
send me to my room, send me to bed,
rest your weary head.
and when so scared, I will run to the safest place,
I know.

I'm sorry,
but am I?

Deep down, you can't tell me you do not
feel it. And I was not kidding when I said
that I am Mother Nature's child,
looking for comfort from the sun.

Uncle Mike always said it, "You're not as stupid as you look."
and to this day, you both ask me why I say this.
you ask me why I am so insecure, was it the divorce?
was it the attempted kid nap? was it the ten different Father figures in my life?

The wolves in Holland, the wolves in hell.
Like a child who played the lion attacking
Daniel in the Den.
It was my sister who was playing Daniel.
The star singer at Readington Reformed Church.

If only every memory didn't trigger
every bit of trauma, that I've been trying to hide.
So I ran from why, I hid from why, I spat in the eyes of why.

However now, I love to meet and greet why with
a firm handshake.
I do this because I love why, and why loves me.
For why and I are similar and we both can play
this game of life together.

And at times when we add fuel to the fire,
we will remember, that fire is warm,
and fire protects.
But we must watch each other,
and remember that fire does burn.

Baby, the fire in my heart,
it burns and yearns for years to come.
and no, I can't say I'm sorry if it ever does burn out.
My secret fire never burns out when I am alone.

Pro-******,

absolute identity.

Absentminded,

******, insanity.

Black on white,

white on black.

Coffee stained *****,

my lips are far from pure.

I’ve come to see my morals have change,

and I would not want it any other way.

he told me it was like being in love with a question mark.

if he had known, he wouldn’t have bothered.

he noticed the distance and soon became confused.

and it was at that moment where I became slightly aroused.

the bright lights, the cold wind, my warm body,

such heavenly sounds.

and i was dropped into a different past world.

i was in the kitchen, making tacos.

also listening to 60’s jazz music.

i was making dinner for my mother.

i learned that today, all I want in life is simplicity.

so let me be a wonder, and leave me alone.