Its getting hard not being able to talk to my family
Ita getting harder that I cant even talk to my boyfriend because hes an ******* to me a lot.
Its all just getting so hard.

I just want to run away
Escape and get away.
I'm so tired of everyone jumping down my throat.
My mom isn't even the same woman I remember her to be.
I'm stuck thinking if she even cares about me at all.
My stepdad has become so irritating.
They seem to love my little brother more than they even love me.
IF they even love me.
My biological dad is a ******.
He left.
No one gives me a ******* break.
NO ONE TAKES ME OUT OF HELL. THEY JUST PUSH ME DEEPER INTO IT.
I've been waiting to pack my **** and go.
But where do I go?
Anywhere but this house would be fine.
I have no friends which I dont really care about but now it feels like I dont have a family.
I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY. SO FAR AWAY.
IM GIVING UP.
im just trying not to.

I am so tired.
Ive never been so tired.
Not tired as in I wanna go to sleep.
Im emotionally, physically and mentally tired.
You don't seem to understand that.
Am I anything to you at all?
Do you even care at all?
I am so tired of crying in my bed and wishing it would all end.
I am so tired of feeling like I have to runaway and escape from life.
I'm tired of feeling like i have to hurt myself to take all the ******* pain away.
I'm tired of feeling my heart crumble all the time because of you.
I am so tired of having these thoughts.
I'm trying more than I ever tried in life and you can't see that.
I just want a life with you.
I dont want to worry about everything else.
Why cant you take my hand and love me and care about me and put in the effort.
Why can't you help us live on.
Why do you have to listen to everyone and push me aside.
Why do I always come last to you.
Why can't you spend wonderful days with me and endless nights with me.
Why must you have me at home feeling like ****.
I love you. I do. But ****, you wont ever know how much I feel like you're the one.
How much you rip me and make me feel like im complete **** to you.
My heart wants you.
My heart will always want you.
I need you.
Theres so many things I wanna do with you.
We cant even do it because im NO ONE TO YOU.
IM ******* NO ONE.
IM SO TIRED OF FEELING LIKE ******* GARBAGE TO YOU.
I WANT YOU TO TRY. I WANT IT TO ALWAYS BE ME AND YOU FOREVER.
But you cant even think long term with me.
You cant ******* open up your eyes and look at me for a couple of seconds and see a girl that wants you for eternity.
I guess your too busy looking the other way at other girls. maybe.
While you think about wanting other girls, I think how much I wanna build a life with you.
While you talk bad about me, I talk about how much I love you.
The world will only seem lonely and useless if I didnt have you.
You make me feel so alive and dead at the same time.
Why cant you just see that I know what I have and I dont want you to leave me. not ever.
Why cant you take your head and turn it towards me and feel me.
Feel that I want us more than anything.
I want you no matter what.
No matter your flaws or ******* moves.
Why cant you see that I've had a hard life and I finally found someone who makes me want to live.
Why cant you see that you bring hope to me.
You cant see that you gave me the best gift ever.
You dont get it.
You're too busy listening to what others have to say.
Im your girlfriend. All i want is for you to be mine forever.
Why are you breaking me.
Jonathan, why do you have to do this to me.
I am so tired.. I am so exhausted.

i always take a moment out to look at my boyfriend. i mean REALLY look at him. i focus on the way he talks, the way he moves, the way he reacts to things, the way he watches tv, the way he touches me, etc..  the point is i love looking at him and everything he does. i love focusing on the way he kisses me and other stuff. it makes me realize how amazing he is even if he upsets me sometimes. it makes my love for him grow. i dont think he ever notices. lol.

You never liked my ring with the little bow on it because you always thought someone gave it to me. Which isnt entirely true considering the fact that someone had to give it to me. So, I threw the ring into the highway. My grandfather gave it to me. But now its gone just like he is. Man, i really love you Jonathan.

hey dad,
im 16 now and im falling in love and if i get married one day you wont be the one to walk me down the aisle.