I'M SO SORRY THAT I'M SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON AND I'M NOT SAYING THIS JUST SO I CAN HEAR YOUR COMPLIMENTS BUT I REALLY REALLY MEAN IT. HONESTLY DARLING ALL I'VE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT IS HOW AMAZING YOU ARE AND HOW EVENTUALLY WE WILL END UP BEING STRANGERS AT THE SAME TIME. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME BUT I NEVER KNEW THAT I COULD LOSE AND BUILD HOPE ALTOGETHER. I SWEAR I HAD CONVINCED MYSELF THAT NOT EVERYTHING I WROTE IS ABOUT YOU BUT THE TRUTH IS, YOU ARE HIDDEN BENEATH EVERY WORD OF MY POEMS. HELL, I ONLY WRITE POEMS AS AN EXCUSE TO TELL THE WORLD ABOUT YOU WITHOUT BEING ANNOYING. I'M HONESTLY IN LOVE WITH THE WAY YOU LOOKED AT ME THIS AFTERNOON BECAUSE YOUR EYES WERE SHINING SO BRIGHT I COULD GO BLIND JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM. I ALSO LOVE THE WAY YOU STROKE MY CHEEK EVERY TIME OUR EYES MEET BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU MANAGE TO DO IT WITHOUT THROWING UP OR GETTING SICK. OH ***** IT, I NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR MIND WORKS. I WONDER HOW YOU NEVER STOP CALLING ME BEAUTIFUL EVEN THOUGH I SHAKE MY HEAD ALL THE TIME AT THOSE WORDS. DARLING, TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT I NEVER SEEK FOR YOUR COMPLIMENTS. BEING WITH YOU IS ENOUGH FOR ME AND AT THIS POINT I DON'T THINK IT EVEN MATTERS IF YOU LOVE ME OR NOT BECAUSE ALL I KNOW IS THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU. RIGHT NOW I'M GIVING MYSELF A ******* FOR FALLING FOR YOU SO EASILY BUT WHO EVEN CARES? YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU DIDN'T MIND BEING A SHORE AS LONG AS I COULD BE THE WAVE AND CRASHED ONTO YOU. I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT ALL THE THINGS I WROTE ABOVE ARE NOTHING BUT A MESSY EXPLANATION OF MY FEELINGS. I GUESS I'M TRYING TOO HARD NOW, I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND ANYTHING THAT I WRITE.

you say it's too soon
to even say the beautiful three words
but last night you pulled me closer
and i could taste the cigarettes
on your lips, and
feel the smoke on your tongue
i saw constellations in your eyes
i wonder if the stars were made
of our love
the scent of your body still
haunts me every night
you are my favorite dream
and nightmares

and i'm in love with you.

bukan dentuman rasa
yang membuat ini indah
hatiku tidak berdegup kencang didekatmu
perutku tidak melahirkan kupu-kupu
dalam pelukanmu
semuanya setenang lautan, kini
meski orang bilang
sepi sama dengan bosan
tapi air beriak tanda tak dalam, sayang
dan tak ada yang pergi jauh
melewati arung jeram
aku mencintaimu dalam kesunyian
aku harap kau merasakan hal yang sama, juga

you and the moon and the ocean and the rain
there's no difference
beautiful, breathtaking, terrifying
so close to perfection,
so close to destroying
you say what you love won't **** you
but i love you and it's already killing me
you destroy me in the sweetest way
gently, patiently
i didn't know i could drown without knowing
until i met you
and i'm glad to have you

Aku cinta kepadanya
tapi bahkan cinta pun
tidak abadi
dan aku tak tahu
apa yang akan kulakukan
ketika cinta itu
akhirnya pergi.

Jadi aku memutuskan
untuk pergi duluan.

you remind me of the evening thunderstorms: cold, terrifying, yet so beautiful. when i said that your smile radiates joy, i wasn't exaggerating. when i whispered that the touch of your hand warms my heart, i meant it from my deepest palace of mind. the thought of you alone is enough to make my body tremble for i cannot cope with so much feelings. i'm craving for you yet my heartbeat always goes faster every time i think of being close to someone other than myself. i am eager for the sense of your skin against mine but i still can't get rid of these metals that locked my heart out for you. i want to say that i'm madly in love but i don't know if i can be madder than i already am. being with you is like cutting my own body parts into pieces; it hurts so bad but it's much better than being alive and numb. i wish i could take it easy like the detectives when they solve problems but my problem is you and you are nothing but a bunch of puzzle pieces that confuse me all the time. i really wish things weren't so complicated inside this forest in my head.

i just can't seem to love myself
no matter how hard i try
no matter how many times
i've skipped dinners
no matter how many times
i slide the razor on my skin
no matter how much
make ups i've put on my face
to hide the ugly that i am
because i know for a fact
that no one will ever love me
for who i am

don't you dare blaming me
for not telling the truth
because if you gave me the chance
i would tell you everything

i need to do my homework
and study for the exams
the teachers had warned us about
i also really need to ***
but my eyes are begging to take a rest

i should care more about my grades
instead of thinking about the boy
with the blue eyes in the middle of the night
i should've said yes when my friends asked me
to go to the coffee shop with them
so i don't have to sit here, alone, all night

i need to stop complaining about the system
and how the government needs to understand
that kids are nothing but human beings
and start thinking about what i want to be
when i'm all grown up and sad like any other adult
so i won't end up at a stripper club

i have to pay attention to everyone around me
start facing the real world, making a real deal
fighting for the popular crown in high school
instead of crying by my computer screen

and before i write about how i still think about you
(just because i can't help it
they say i'm too young to understand
but i dedicate every word in this poem for you)
i really need to start studying

It would be nice if I was the sun
Being important enough for the mankind to live
Feeding them with light, protection
Away from the fear and the darkness

It would be nice if I was a flower
Humans begging to be me
Colorful petals, shiny green leaves
I could be beautiful

It would be nice if I was the water
Running with the flow, never staying too long
Life is a game
And I could win

It would be nice if I was the air
People don't see, but they need me
When they got tired, they could say, "I need some air."
So they would want me

But the very sad truth is,
I'm not the sun, nor the flower, nor the water, nor the air
I'm just the pathetic me
Living a lie, begging to die

stupid girl
what were you thinking?
you're nothing but a lifeless face
you don't mean anything

stupid girl
are you out of your mind?
you're not a swan
you're just an ugly duck with black feathers

stupid girl
stop being so conceited
nobody likes you, no one cares about you
you're not any good

stupid girl
why are you so stupid?
*you don't mean anything; you just exist

Maaf
Maaf
Maaf

Kau bukan secarik kertas
yang dibuang begitu saja setelah kupakai
Kusut, coreng-moreng
Bukan, kau adalah kartu pos
yang disimpan rapi di lemari jati
Meski usiamu tiada muda

Kau bukan terik matahari
yang dicaci orang ketika ada,
diabaikan ketika tiada
Bukan, kau adalah suara rintik hujan
yang dipuji, dikagumi, didengar
Meski kau membasahi baju mereka

Kau bukan jam rusak
yang digantung terlalu tinggi untuk diganti
Berdebu, usang
Bukan, kau adalah api
yang dicari orang sampai kalang-kabut
Meski kau membakar rumah mereka

Tapi maaf jika aku membuatmu merasa seperti
secarik kertas, terik matahari, dan jam rusak
Bukan niat ingin menyakiti
Tapi aku memang tak bisa dicintai

Maaf.

and the air smells like rain
the cold wind creeps into my room
im all wrapped in brown blanket and white sheets
yet im still dead frozen inside

grey sky, blurred sounds
vivid images in my head
yet im still alone inside

help me
please

Our story
had no end
You just stopped
writing it
and left me here
alone
and
completely lost

Blue eyes,
tan skin

Gold fringe,
white lies.

Pale weather,
red blood.

Wide eyes,
fake smile.

Tight grip,
sharp knife.

Broken.

Why can't we save anybody?


*(sfh)